Not Too Late | Choi San

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

San watches nervously as Wooyoung inspects the bracelet silently, and then a big, warm smile starts to spread across his face.

"Sannie— this is— i can't accept it," he mumbles, "it's too expensive."

San shrugs, "i-i thought you would like it."

"i do!" he squeals as he puts it on, making the others chuckle as he was only saying he can't accept it just a second ago. "oh my god you're the best!"

San feels his heart warm up and his shoulders feel lighter. maybe he's done the right thing spending some money on Wooyoung's gift, but will the boy really stay?

as the rest exchange their gifts, San stares at Wooyoung's hand silently, observing the shining bracelet gracing his hand and thinking. he does a lot of thinking lately, but he can't help it.

San soon receives his gift from Seonghwa, who has this sweat and caring smile adorning his soft and gentle features. San slowly opens the wrapping and is surprised to see a notebook, a leather one with a fancy cover looking like it belongs to the victorian era with a leather strap holding it close and a little key put in the middle to hold the strap in place. San slowly pulls the key off and opens the strap gently, his hands hesitantly pulling it open to see the soft tea-coloured pages, with a small paper tucked between a few pages. he pulls it out slowly, holding his breath when he reads it.

you think too much. let this notebook help you empty your head, and maybe show it to someone if you feel like it? i hope this will help you relax a little. i hate seeing you so stressed, my dear dongsang.

all the love, xoxo, lots of kisses, hyung.
(ps. merry christmas sannie hyung loves you!!!!!!)

San tears up at the words, and he feels a stupid sob pull itself through his throat. he hates crying, doesn't want to do it especially in front of these seven males all looking at him. he feels too vulnerable, yet too warm and loved. he wants to hug his hyung and never let go.

"so..?" Seonghwa sounds nervous, he's rubbing his elbow and smiling a little. San quickly lurches forward and hugs him close, much like the other time he did when they bought him the sweater he's wearing.

"th-thank you hyung," his voice sounds gruff and watery, and he just wants to wail in this man's warm embrace. he bites his bottom lip to stop himself from doing so. "i-i really like it."

"what a relief," Seonghwa answers softly and tightens his hold on the younger.

San can't sleep.

his heart is beating rapidly and his mind is accelerating between thoughts. he feels too many emotions at the same time and he cannot tame his mind nor his heart, and it's not new, considering how little to no sleep he's been getting for the past few days.

San's honestly exhausted, of everything, of living and breathing and existing. it's too painful for him to keep going, pointless dare he say.

he's made friends, yes, sure, but they're not going to stay with him forever. they're not stupid enough to. he was the stupid one to think he finally made a family, and with how tense things have been recently, he thinks he was too quick to have that thought. they too, like everyone else, would be willing to give up on him if it meant their dreams would come true, or at least San thinks so.