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Vinnie

I haven't spoken to Cleo in a week.

The day that I left her house, I was lost and I still am. I fucked up big time with her, and did the one that I kept telling everyone I wouldn't do, hurt her.

I didn't even know that she left back home to New York until I saw her post on Instagram and found out that she flew back out but not with Mila, like how I thought she would've.

But with Chris. The fucking guy who told her I'd break her heart. And I can't even be mad at him because I'm literally just that guy.

I knew that I couldn't text her and apologize or check up on her so I texted Mila, who just ripped my fucking head off, and so did Nessa, and Dixie and Charli. Fucking Charli?! She went off on me when I texted her and told me how stupid I was and I just sat there taking it because they were all right.

I had something great going. Something really, really fucking great and I ruined it by falling back into my old ways. I wasn't getting the attention I wanted from Cleo, so I went and found it somewhere else, for a girl who could never compare to what I had.

And speaking of Melanie, I cut her off completely.

She was using Kio, and he knew it yet he still kept her around us all, and I blindly fell into it thinking that maybe she was different. But everyone in LA is the same. They all look for clout in different ways, and she was good at it. But who am I to blame her for being her, when I did even more fucked up shit while knowing I was in a relationship with the most beautiful person ever.

Watching her cry the night after the Halloween party, broke me.

She stood in front of her bed, an oversized sweater on her body, and shorts that stopped about mid thigh. Her ginger hair was in a messy ponytail, and she had tears that stained her red cheeks. In that moment she looked so small and fragile, and I hated myself. 

I realized that I hurt the person who I cared about the most and who I knew cared about me just as much.

She deserved so much better than me, but I didn't know what I could possibly do to make her see that I truly regret everything I've done to hurt her.

-
Cleo

Chris left on Saturday and I was back to being my sad self.

It was weird knowing that Vinnie's number was in my phone, yet I couldn't talk to him because there was still so much anger I was feeling, even a week after everything was all said and done.

I haven't forgiven him, and I don't know when I will. Maybe a month from now, maybe even a few years from now, who knows? 

I just know I'm not ready to have that conversation with him just yet.

But I couldn't help but think about what was going on in his mind when he did what he did? Was I even a thought? Did he initiate it both times that they kissed?

How could I even believe that he was sorry for what he did if it happened twice? Why did he put himself in a predicament where cheating on me was even possible to begin with? All of these thoughts racked my brain, and it made my head hurt.

"Baby, you need to get out of bed. You've been laying in the same spot ever since Chris left. I understand that you're hurting but I don't want you laying around and not being productive. No heartbreak should hurt this much, not unless you lov-" My mother goes to say but I'm quick to cut her off.

"Do not. I didn't love him, I don't know what loving someone is, mom."

"You love me don't you? You loved your father."

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