Love of the Lifetime at a Wrong Time

Chapter 11

"Okei! Now that everybody's here, let's eat!" sabi ni pare then we all went to the dining room and started dinner.Dinner was good, syempre si pare ba naman magluto diba?! Kahit si doc napabilib sa luto ni pare.

"No wonder, tumataba ngayon ‘to eh" sabi niya obviously referring to me, "with the food your cooking for her, grabeh! Even I would get used to this. Now, you should cook for me!" he continued. Napatawa na lang kami tapos sobrang flattered naman si pare. But I have to admit, I was a bit uncomfortable when doc made that comment. Ewan ko, para kasing its very awkward na hindi ko maintindihan. Masaya naman ung dinner, everybody getting along, and so far, wala pa naman masiyadong tension happening between either parties, which is good. For dessert, kinain namin ung salad na dala ni twinx. It was good pero not my taste but its okei naman, everyone seemed to like it.After dinner, we all had a little chat then watched then watched some movies. It was a bit odd for me, spending this night with other people other than pare, ewan ko! Basta un ung naïf-feel ko eh. After the movie, and after one empty bottle of red wine, it was time to unwind a little and talk just to keep each other sober. While they were all happily chatting I politely excused myself kasi I have to clean up all the dishes, kesa naman hintayin ko silang lahat umalis, at least ngayon pa lang, simulan ko na para pag-alis nila I could rest na. While washing some dishes bigla pumasok si pare.

 "Oh, nu gingawa mo dito?" sabi ko, still busy washing the dishes

"Came here to help" sabi niya as he picked up some of the dishes and wiped them dry.

"Baket nu nangyari sa labas?!" sabi ko na mejo sumilip sa labas, I just saw doc and twinx having a good conversation.

"They seem to be getting along very well" sabi ko. "well yeah, apparently they found a lot of things to tal about. It seems like the plastic surgeon twinx was talking about was a gud friend of doc and they had kicked it off from there." Sabi niya

"Eh baket ka umalis?!" tanong ko

“eh hindi ako masiyado maka-relate sa mga pinag-uusapan nila and para namang makakasingit ako sa dalawang un, eh tignan mo nga paranag silang dalawa lang ang tao sa mundo." Sabi niya na mejo may sarcasm tapos un, natawana lang kami pareho and we both started talking and started building our own world.

In the back of my mind, naiisip ko na, it would have been better kung nagkapalit-palit kami ng partners. I'd surely be happy with pare and I think the two would behappy together. After all the dishes done, and after a very long conversation between twinx and doc, they all finally decided to go home and rest. And besides pare-pareho pa kaming may pasok bukas. Everybody had smiles on their faces when they went home and that felt good.

 Pagkatapos kung ayusin lahat and made sure that everything is where it's supposed to be, humiga na ko sa kama but still no matter how hard I try I still can't sleep. I just found myself staring at my ceiling that was painted to look like the night sky, still thinking. I came to realize that just a minute ago I was actually thinking that I'd be more happier if I was still in the arms of pare.

Then suddenly I found myself confused. Bigla ako naging unsure sa feelings ko. Ithought that I was already over him and that all I felt for him was just as a friend. Akala ko I have moved on na and the one I really want to be with is doc. Pero parang everything that is on my mind is questioned by my subconscious. It's making me more confused. Parang sinasabi niya sakin na, do you really want to be with doc?! or sinasabi mo lang yan 'cause you're thinking na being with pare is wrong. But that is what you really want. Pinipilit mo lang ung sarili mo to believe na si doc nga ang gusto mo dahil un ang sa tingin mo ang tama. Tama ba ko?! Grabeh! ! Baket ako nagkakaganito?! Bakit ako bigla na confuse?! I'm pretty sure na si doc na talaga ang gusto ko. Pero kahit hindi mo man aminin sa sarili mo, ur heart still belongs to pare. Tama na! Tama na! Tama na! Ayoko na! Naguguluhan na talaga ako. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.Bahala na! Tulog lang ‘to! I just need some rest, and tomorrow I'm sure it will all be gone and everything's going to be fine. Is everything going to be fine?! Hirit pa ng subconscious ko, lufet nuh?! Eventually nakatulog din naman ako kahit paano.

***

The next day I got up early than I had too kasi I just got a message from the hospital and they need me there because of an accident happened kaya nagmadali akong nag-ayos at dali-daling pumunta sa hospital. When I got there everything was so chaotic that I've never seen the hospital like this. Sobrang gulo. All day I've been running around doing surgeries here and there. It was a good thing that I don't have any scheduled surgery that day. Mga madaling araw na the next morning, tsaka lang nag settle down ung hospital, puro check-ups na lang kaya I got some rest na din kahit paano. I was on my way to one of my patient's room nung nakasalubong ko si doc sa hall. He was busy looking unto some results kaya hindi niya na rin ako napansin, it was okei for me kasi we had our priorities straight, na our first priority would always be our patients. But seeing doc brought back all my thoughts last night. Ewan ko ba. Bakit ngaun pa lahat ‘to nangyayari, just when I thought that everything was going on my way, then all these things happens. I really don't need this right now. I just don't know what to do.I was really confused with my feelings but I just tried my best to forget it. I don't need this right now. I have a lot of things to do and a lot of things in my mind. So, eventually, nakalimutan ko din un, kasi binabad ko ung sarili ko sa work.

Then movie night namin, as usual we spent the night together ulit. Wala na naging doubts from the other parties na the two of us our spending the night, mas nag aalala pa nga sila kung hindi kaming dalawa ang magkasama. Ganun nag develop ung trust nila samin. Parang they have already accepted the fact na mag best friends talaga kami and nothing can change that. The next morning, umalis siya una sakin. But he was thoughtful enough to prepare breakfast for me and he placed it sa may bedside table. I was so touched. After finishing my breakfast, I decided to clean the house, I've been busy these days and hadn't had the time to clean. So I decided to clean now while I have the chance. When I was at the bathroom arranging all my peroducts, I saw something shining by the sink, nung tignan ko, ung bracelet ni pare na binigay ko sa kaniya for our 2nd anniversary. Hindi ko ma explain ung feelings ko nung nakita ko ulit ung bracelet. I was happy na rin kasi after all these years nasa kaniya pa rin ‘to and it means na suot pa rin niya. I wonder kung baket hindi ko un napansin. I was happy but also sad in a way. Kasi it brought back all the memories nung kami pa, nakakapanghinayang eh. It made me realize once more that we've been through a lot together. After cleaning I just sat in front of the TV still holding the bracelet. Bigla may nag page sakin, I was needed sa hospital daw kaya nagmadali na ko, ewan ko siguro sa pagmamadali, sinuot ko na lang ung bracelet. I don't know pero the whole day na I was wearing the bracelet parang I could feel the presence of pare. I felt secured. Kaya parang nanghinayang ako na ibalik kasi ewan ko. Kaya I kept it to myself na lang. I'd give it back kapag tinanong na niya ko kung nakita ko ba ung bracelet. Ewan ko lang kung sadya or whatever, kasi after that, seldom na kami magkita ni pare. We hadn't had time for our movie nights and even for calls. Sobrang naging busy kaming dalawa so parang nag fade ulit ung communication but we try our best. At least an e-mail a week other than that,wala na.Well, I'd have to say na I miss pare pero I think it's for the best na din. At least I have my space.