Invader Zim: Oneshots and Scenarios

Invader zim incorrect quote dump 1

Red: Well, we have your Choco mousse parfait to thank for that, don't we?

Purple: Men, Would you excuse us for a moment, My Co-tallest and I need a little privacy.

*the walk out of the communications center, Zim calls someone hits answer instead of ignore, Zim is confused why the Tallest are gone until he hears yelling.*

Purple: (overhead from the hall) Look, I didn't want to say anything in front of the troops, but you are behaving like a GIANT ASS!

Red: (overhead from the hall) Oh really? Well, as long as we're on the subject of giant asses--

Zim: Oh...Uh.. I'll call back later! *hangs up*

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[Purple and Red have an argument in the communications room's hallway. Purple turns on some music to drown out them shouting at each other]

Purple: When I was a soldier, I always hated knowing my superiors were fighting!

[all the Comm officers, Zim and Skoodge (who are video calling) can hear Los Dos Laredos Acordeones echoing from down the hall.]

Skoodge: They're fighting in the hall again...

Zim: That music always sent a chill down my spine.

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(Red and Purple are shopping around an alien market and stop in a doughnut shop that they used to frequent as Elites.)

Purple: Can I have a sample of this doughnut?

Clerk: Sorry, no.

Purple: But you used to give them out! Why can't I get one?

Clerk: Yeah, that was a long time ago. Now we only give them to children.

(Purple squats down a bit, Red and the clerk look at him bemused.)

Purple: I'm twelve. Can I have a sample? *Red facepalms*

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{when Red and Purple were still elites they're out on patrol on an allied planet when they decide to look into a pickpocket rumor, and apprehend an odd looking alien (a human) who is none too please of being accused.]

Y/n: Can I help you gentlemen?

Red: Yeah, empty your pockets.

Y/n: I beg your pardon?

Purple: We've had reports of a pickpocket-

{Red shushes him)

Y/n: And you accuse me? Do know what my GPA at the Dreness Academy is, how dare you?

Red: We never said we were accusing you of anything. We just noticed in the last couple days that whenever you walked around the square, people's wallets go missing and...

(there's an awkward silence)

Y/n: *holding Red's ray gun, looking smug* And what?

Red: *flustered* Wh-..You- I... Gimme that!

(They hold it out of his reach as Purple laughs at Red's misfortune.)

Y/n: *now holding Purple's stun baton* And just what do you think you're laughing about, hm?

(Red snorts at Purple's shocked face.)

Purple: *pissed* That it, Empty your pockets, you're coming with us!

Y/n: *confident* Fine, I'm gonna need the room...

(both Irken's jaws hit the floor as Y/n tosses out piles of miscellaneous junk, (wallets, jewels, ship keys, statues, weapons, a ship engine and even a live space cat) out of their pockets.]

Y/n*holding out their passport* There are my papers...

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[Zim and Y/n watching Gaz torture Dib]

Zim: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, like Qwib-Qwibs and Irkens, or Velwaxs and Irkens, or Lomdacs and Irkens, or Irkens and other Irkens.[shakes fist] Damn Irkens! They ruined Irk!

Y/n: You Irkens sure are a contentious people.

Zim: [gets right up in Y/n's face] You just made an enemy for life!

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{Zim driving a car being being chased by some monster Professor Membrane created accidentally rescues Dib (By running him over) whose yelling at him from the windshield]

Dib: What do we do Zim?

ZiM: I dunno, I dunno!

Dib: You're the oldest!

ZiM: Not mentally!?

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[Prof. Membrane shows up to career day at the skool and starts taking questions. he picks Zim]

Zim: You're the Dib worm's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy?

Prof. Membrane: Uh, what? Oh, yeah, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad.*he gets up* And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood... [Prof. Membrane walks out of the class.]

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"I didn't ask to be secretary of balloon doggies, the balloon doggies demanded it!"
-Gir probably.