Gorgeous.

Chapter One.

Grace

I really do live a pretty mundane life. I go to class, I go to work. Sometimes I'll go out with people from work, but most of my weekends just consist of me sitting at home alone.

It makes me wonder if I'm meant to stay in Seattle after I graduate. I really do love this city but I don't have anyone but Elle, and she has people of her own. I've been feeling really lost lately because of it.

I'm an independent person, it's something I really pride myself on. I don't get caught up on not having friends often, which is why it's confusing me as to why I'm feeling this way. I like being alone, I like doing things on my own and the accomplishing feeling that comes with it. I like living alone, I like having my own space and I like not having to worry about what my roommate thinks of me when I stay in my sweatpants all day.

And not for nothing, I don't like faking around people or trying to actively get people to like me. I like to think I'm a nice person but maybe I'm a little bit of a bitch if I have a hard time in the stage of getting to know people. I get defensive easily.

So if I know all of this, then why the hell am I questioning everything in my life?

If I were to move, it would most likely be back to Maine and I really don't want to do that. I like being in Seattle a hell of a lot more than Maine. That's what sucks about all of this, I absolutely love it here. I just feel like I'm stuck, I can't get any of it right.

The only thing I'm banking off of is once I graduate, getting a job in my field that would allow me to meet more people. I really do like the people I work with at Harmons, I don't have a problem with anyone here. It's just that it all feels temporary and I don't want to get attached to people who will leave.

Ah abandonment issues, another price to pay when both your parents die when you're just barely a teenager.

But maybe that's why I gravitative more towards Elle, my closest friend that I work with. She's a little older than me and doesn't seem to be in a rush with her life. She loves working at Harmons and she doesn't plan on moving from her position there for a long time. It feels like no matter where I am in the world, she'll be there ready to welcome me back in when I need her. I hope she feels the same way about me, that she trusts me like that.

Even though I feel that way about her, I still don't think I've found my person yet. And I don't mean a romantic partner, I mean my platonic soulmate. I know she's out there, but I have no idea who she is. I really can't wait to meet her, though. I can't wait until I find that person that I can wheeze laugh with until I can't breathe, I can't wait until I can find her and talk her ear off with no fear of annoying or bothering her.

As for a romantic partner, I really am in no rush. I've had a couple of boyfriends in my life, the last one lasting a little over a year and a half. His name is Max, we met freshman year of college and broke up when I was going into my junior year. I had fun with him but he was kind of a douche and treated dating me like it was a game. He'd try to make me jealous by flirting with other girls but then gaslight the shit out of me when I'd get upset with him. He'd make it seem like I was the crazy girlfriend who didn't want him to be friends with girls when that's the last thing I was saying, I just didn't like watching him whispering things into the ears of tiny sorority girls with his hand on their lower back. It made me feel like shit.

After I came to the conclusion that he was just an annoying and narcissistic frat boy who would put his name as Maximillian on things so that he'd look classy, I dumped his ass. He was so angry and was pretty persistent that I wasn't thinking straight. I thought he was never going to leave me alone but then he started dating one of the girls he told me was just a friend and he let me be. I see him around campus sometimes but I always try to walk in the other direction whenever I do.