Don'ts Of An Arranged Marriage

34. Do have faith

Gasping as I tear my eyes open wasn't the hardest part, waking up from a beautiful dream was. Because I was living a nightmare. I was a nightmare for him. For my family. For everyone who seems to care for me. Love me.

It was calm. Too quiet and cold in the room. I was alone here lying on the bed with the faint beeps of monitor breezing through. I breathe with my lips parted. Slow and steady, I feel no reminiscence of pain that I had felt every single wise I had woken up from my slumber. Each wise only to slide into the darkness.

Was it morphine? Fentanyl?

Or the usual Dr. Do-won strategy to keep me sedated until I had temporarily healed. I know he was here- I saw him put me back to sleep every damn time I woke up. I know my mother cried from somewhere when I lost consciousness. She felt so far away. The voices of the medics talking, dictating, or simply reading things out drowns out. Then gone. Completely.

This time it does happen that way, even the room was different.

I tried moving my fingers and my toes and it did do as I command, I sigh, my craned head falling back to my pillow with a smile.

I was still alive and functioning.

"Only you could smile like that after waking up from a three-day nap"

I turned to look at the source of the voice, he was there – seated by the window on the far corner that I seem to have skipped during my survey. I wasn't alone here- I think I never was since the moment I fainted in his arms.

"Lee" I breathe, my lashes weigh my vision. He was by my side in two good strides. Perks of long legs I reckon.

"Don't talk" he urges, pouring me a glass of water and helping me up, and the rim to my lips. The taste of water on my tongue makes me realize how thirsty I was- I don't listen to him when he advises me to take it down slowly. I chug it in.

This wise a huge sigh heaves me up as he uses the tissues to dab it down my soaked cotton gown and chin. I close my eyes letting the thirst quench. Like a child, I lean on him when he assuringly runs his hand over my hair. He sat on the bed, close enough to embrace me so carefully that in a sudden blast of anger I grab his shirt hook my IV stabbed hand by his. Pulling him into a hug with a strength that required my sum.

"I am not that weak" I grumble, my breath hot as I sense his nod by my ear.

"Who said you are" shoving him away slightly, I look at him in the eye.

"Then why do you look like you haven't slept in days?"

He searches my face as he answers,

"You did sleep for both of us"

Despising the quickness of how my eyes teared up to see him fighting everything he probably was going through because of my lies I provided him with my useless-

"I am sorry"

-apology.

"I am so sorry" I repeated angrily. Also falling apart in front of him.

My face was soon grabbed by his hands and his thumb wipes away the caged frustration I had for so long. To let this go was freedom. he doesn't stop me- all he says was,

"You don't have to apologize" unwilling, i try to deny when he firms his hold "You heard me? There is nothing to apologize for"

The golds from the lights reflect his brimming tears, but now that I see them in clear they weren't pained or mad. But understanding and brave.

"It did hurt a lot at first" he saves me the stress, he smiles as he spoke "But I think I saw the reason later, or at least I try to. Good thing you were asleep for three days until I got back on track. But I also hated how peacefully knocked out you were while I didn't know what to do or how to feel. I shouldn't be saying this- but I don't know what else to do. Can you even get me?"

I nod frantically with a tight smile. he was still the same Lee – despite our lack of conversation for days, he still seem to bring me the light or be the light I fell in love with. Confused and confident, vulnerable but brave. A wall of hope that he is- and he seems to stand his ground strong enough to let me lean and rest. To let go. So I do it.

"I am scared" I whispered " I am so scared Lee"

When I say it. I seem to see it. see everything in a clearance. A liberation from the misery I carried for so long. Alone.

"I know" he whispers back, leaning his forehead against mine. "But I won't let anything happened to you"

No.

I don't want that.

"Please don't make such promises" all I could do was beg, but still selfishly hope for him to save me. I was young, I am at the peak of my life to demand that my wishes be granted. But young was he too. I can't burden him with something he-

"Stop thinking Shin. I am not making promises here. Promises are for things we are forced to keep or have faith in. I believe in us" 

A moment passes as we let it. But when I take his appearance in finally my eyes go sharp.

"How can you expect me to be healthy if you look like a disaster?" I scold sniffing, scanning his wrinkled shirt and pale face.

He looks down at him with a chuckle. Our stares are still moist. We are both aware of the sensitivity of the situation. But still attempting to defy it with what we have at hand. Each other.

We have each other. Without lies or secrets.

And that was enough.

"A handsome disaster?"

"I may be even regretting marrying you now as you speak"

"I can go, fix myself. But I don't want to leave your side. I have been waiting for so long for you to wake" his tone dips as our fingers find each others in a grasp. He brings it to his lips, his long lashes were damp and eyes red by the corners.

What if I don't wake up one day?

What happens then?

I don't want him to wait like this.

I also want him to never let me go.

Holding my head up I narrow my eyes accusatively at him.

"If I get better and live for good long years and you die early, I'll make sure to kill you myself"

My remark buys me a surprised frown until I add-

"When's the last time you took your shot?"

His mouth parts in understanding, he lifts his hands in mock surrender with a face that was preparing for excuses. But it was too late before his reflexes worked. My knuckles had already connected with his forehead.

In that seconds I had made my mind up. I wanted to fight with what I have, if he believes in us. The most I could do is believe in myself.

I was never the one to accept defeat before the battle commenced.

And he was the one who I know would never stop striving even if there was no light to begin with. Together, we were bound to find a way out of this.

Because there is no way I am dying early only for him to join me soon up there.

Two more chapters and an epilogue. Oh God.