It all started with a game

Chapter 25

I give her forty five seconds before she hurls. "It was really good." Really good was an understatement. It was amazing, even when we were just laying with each other and talking. To be so close, so vulnerable to each other, it was perfect.

"Like mind blowing good or like it was nice but it could have been better."

"Mind blowing good."

Alexia retched. "Okay, I lied, I can't do it. Not yet."

"You don't have to, ever. We can talk about other things."

She pouted. "How am I supposed to tell you about boys if you can tell me about your boy?"

"I'll still tell you about Ryder, I'll just leave out the sex part so you don't throw up."

"But then I can't tell you about my sex life," she joked.

"Oh you're telling me about your sex life, you don't get a choice. I've heard three stories so far and I'm thoroughly intrigued." Truly, the stuff she does is the stuff I thought only happened in the books.

"Deal." She hit me with our signature handshake, which she'd insisted that we make because all iconic duos had a handshake.

-:-/-:-/-:-/-:-/-:-

I flipped the page of my book, leaning my head up to kiss Ryder on the underside of his chin. His lips curved in that lazy, sexy smile that I loved so much. I returned my attention to my book, not at all ready to get out of bed but knowing I needed to so I could shower.

Things over the last week with Ryder have been pretty good but I can tell something is up. Sometimes he'll be all lovey-dovey with me and telling me how much he cares about me and then other times—I'm not sure how to explain it—it's like he goes distant. He's still there and he's still talking to me and he's still touching me but, he doesn't hold me as tightly as he usually does and he doesn't hold my hand as often and he's talking but it isn't the same, it's like he's not really in the conversation.

I know he said he forgave me for everything I'd done, and I'm sure in his head he really thinks he has, but I'm not sure. I don't blame him, what I'd said was absolutely horrible and we hadn't even taken time to talk about any of it. We needed to talk about it but I didn't know how to bring it up, and I was scared that if I did, all of this would be over, our perfect little bubble would burst. I just wanted to stay like this, happy, but I always say that, it's my way of avoiding my problems.

I grabbed his hand, holding it as tightly as I could. Ryder returned the gesture absentmindedly, his attention still on the television but he kissed the top of my hairline, pulling me closer to him, but it still wasn't the same because we wasn't holding me like he normally does and he wasn't talking like he normally did and maybe it was me, maybe I was the one who started all of this because I'd been acting strange too, overly nice, like it could make up for all the things I said. Maybe I was the one who started this.

"Are we okay?" I whispered, not sure I really wanted to know the answer.

Ryder stalled, looking over his face. "Yeah, we're okay," he lied.

We weren't okay, and it was my fault. I was stupid and mean and I don't blame him for hating me, he should hate me. I don't deserve to be loved, especially not by him.