It all started with a game

Chapter 23

I knew what was coming, what he was about to say, but I didn't want him to say it, so I grabbed his belt roughly, tugging his hips closer to me, and then I started unbuckling it. Ryder cursed under his breath, tossing his head back as his breaths became as ragged and desperate as mine. "Beatrice," he tried to finish his sentence again but I cut off by crushing my mouth into his, leaving his belt half undone as I changed my focus on letting my greedy mouth explore his.

He tries to push me away but it doesn't work as I bite his bottom lip making him tug me towards him again. And when he tried to speak again, I finished what I started, sliding his belt off and unbuttoning his pants, but it didn't work as well as planned because he's suddenly pushing me away, forcefully keeping me from touching him. Not touching him doesn't help change my mind either because now I'm staring at him, all of him, and he's perfect. He's tall and lean and his skin is glowing and now without his belt his pants are hanging loosely at his hips and I can see the brim of his grey boxers. And as long as he isn't speaking, I'm fine, I'm not crying, but then he speaks, "Beatrice, stop." He's panting harder than I am.

I slide my hands down his firm chest, staring him dead in the eyes as I unzip his pants. I don't want to cry. I need this so I don't cry. Ryder squeezed his eyes shut, his hands sliding under my shirt at his own violation. "We can't," he rasps, "you'll regret this."

"No, I won't." I kiss him again, more sloppily than the first time. I tug my fingers through his hair, earning me another pained groan like he knew he needed to tell me to stop but couldn't focus enough to do so.

But Ryder was a good guy, and wouldn't let me do this when I wasn't thinking straight, so he pushed me away. I tried again, taking a step forward, only for Ryder to stumble back. "No! Stay over there." His eyes were wild.

"Why?" I challenged, moving forward again.

He stuck a chair between us. "Because I can't think straight when you're touching me like that and a guy only has so much self control." He sighed, rubbing his face. "Beatrice, you're upset right now, you're not thinking clearly."

"Yes, I am!" No, I was not.

"Beatrice, if we do this right now, you're going to regret it."

I rested my hands on my hips. "What, you don't wanna have sex with me?" I twisted his words around.

"Beatrice, it's not that. You know it's not that."

I let my emotions control me, because I would never truly be in control of myself so why bother trying. "That's what it seems like."

He gripped onto the chair, using it for support. "Of course I want that, I do, but not if it means you'll hate me."

"I'm not gonna hate you!" I threw my hands up.

"Yes, you will! You're angry and upset, I'm not taking advantage of that."

I scoffed, glaring at him. "So what? You'll sleep with every other girl in the school except for me?"

He took a deep breath, doing a much better job of controlling his emotions than I was. "I haven't slept with anyone since we've been together, you know that."

I did know that, but I was so mad that I didn't care. "Yeah, right! You expect me to believe that. You're a man whore Ryder. You've probably slept with half the school since we've been together." I knew exactly what to do to cut him down, I'd been taught by the best. I knew exactly how to manipulate people when I didn't get what I wanted, like father, like daughter.

Ryder flinched at my worlds, swallowing hard. "You don't mean that." He avoided eye contact, staring at the ground.

"It's not fair that you get to sleep around and I don't. You think I need you? There are a hundred guys who would love to see me naked, who would love to touch me. I don't need you!"