Despite all of his talk, Remus did wait. He couldn't see that he had many options, other than to go directly to Dumbledore and ask to be sent back to St Edmund's – and he wasn't exactly sure where Dumbledore's office was. He hadn't got that far with the map. The map – he'd better leave that behind. Sirius and James could finish it.
At least he wasn't tired anymore. He sat on his trunk fidgeting for what felt like hours. Thought about going down for lunch – but what if they wanted to talk to him right there in front of everyone? He stayed put. He wasn't hungry anyway. He tried to read, but couldn't concentrate for long enough.
Every so often Remus' mind wandered back to his conversation – argument – with Sirius. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. On the one hand, once the initial terror had passed, he could see that Sirius was trying to be kind. If he really had known since last Christmas, then he probably had no intention of telling anyone else. And he'd given Remus fair warning, at least. But on the other hand, what Remus had said was true. Just because James was Sirius' best friend didn't mean that he would have any protective feelings towards Remus. They were friends, certainly, but only because they were dorm mates. Remus couldn't play quidditch, wasn't from a good family, had no money. On top of all of that, would Potter's perfect reputation allow him associate himself with a dark creature?
As for Sirius – Sirius couldn't even forgive his own brother for being in a different school house. If family didn't matter to him, then why would friendship?
Just after the four o'clock bell rang Remus heard three sets of footsteps tramping up the stairs. He stood up, bracing himself. James entered first, looking very serious and somehow older than all of them. Sirius came in behind him, his expression inscrutable, no trace of the emotion from earlier. Peter was last, looking – as usual – very uncomfortable and out of his depth.
"Hiya Remus," James said, straight away. They all stood facing each other, the room feeling very small, even with the window open.
"Hi." Remus replied, trying to keep his eyes on all three of them at once. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine."
"Look mate, I'll get right to it, ok?" James ran his fingers through his hair, swallowing nervously – Remus could see his Adam's apple working, "We've noticed... well we couldn't not notice that you're away a lot, in the hospital wing. Every month, pretty much,"
Peter was nodding sycophantically behind him and Remus felt a surge of hatred rise up out of nowhere. He repressed it, focussing instead on meeting James' eyes. They already thought he was a wild animal. Best not to confirm it.
"Ok." He said, sullenly.
"Yeah," James nodded, as if they were having a perfectly normal conversation. "Every month... around the full moon."
He let it hang in the air. Remus grew impatient to get it over with,
"Just say it, James."
"Are-you-a-werewolf?" It came out all in a rush, and James' gaze finally dropped, as though he was embarrassed to have asked.
Remus glanced at Sirius, who was still staring at him with a look of determination. Peter was gnawing his bottom lip, his eyes darting between Remus and James. Remus squared his shoulders.
"Yeah." He jutted his chin forward, as if daring James to strike him. Whatever; he was ready for it. James exhaled,
"Right."
"That it?"
"Yes—I mean no—I mean... bloody hell..." James ran his hands through his hair again, turning to the others for support, looking helpless.
"It's ok." Remus said, his voice hard, "I'm off. Just let me go and tell McGonagall."
"Off? Off where?!"
"Back to St. Edmund's, I s'pose." As if there was anywhere else!
"You can't leave Hogwarts!" James looked even more worried now, his glasses had slid down his nose and he hadn't even noticed.
"I can't stay if everyone knows." Remus explained, as calmly as he could.
"We won't tell anyone!" Peter squeaked suddenly. Remus looked at him in surprise, then at Sirius, then at James. James was nodding now.
"We won't." He confirmed.
Remus shook his head, not allowing himself to entertain the idea – to even hope. Hope never got you anywhere; if he knew anything, he knew that. It was a rule written on his skin in thick silver lines.
"This isn't a game. 'Keep the secret', or whatever. If other people find out, I will have to leave. It could be worse than that, they might..." He didn't say it. What was the use in saying it?
"We won't let it happen." Sirius finally spoke, stepping tentatively forward. "Will we?" He turned to Peter and James, either side of him. They both looked very serious and very frightened, but they both shook their heads firmly.
"Trust us." James said. "Please?"
***
He agreed to give them a month. Or they agreed to give him a month – he wasn't sure. It wasn't clear who thought who was more dangerous. It was agony, at first, every moment filled with awkwardness and a new kind of shyness that hadn't been there before. They think I'm a monster, a voice in Remus' head chanted, over and over, they think I'm going to murder them in their beds, they think I'm evil.
