Takeaway (Shin Soukoku)

3

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"What's wrong with you now?" Akutagawa ask with furrowed eyebrow

"I'm too tired to walk." Atsushi mumble but Akutagawa still can heard him well

Now both of them are on their way back to Dazai's house. Dazai forced Atsushi to go back home and rest well which making Atsushi feel little bit bad. If he can't help Dazai, what should he do now?

"So troublesome." Akutagawa whispers and lift Atsushi up and put him on his shoulder

Atsushi widening his eyes at the sudden action. Did the serious and expressionless Akutagawa just lifted him up and put him on his shoulder like some bag of rice?

"People are watching." Atsushi mumble but can't help to blush

"I don't care." Akutagawa response and keep walking forward

Atsushi sigh in defeat and close his eyes, Akutagawa carry him like that could give him dizziness and nauseousness, hanging on Akutagawa's shoulder huh? Why does Akutagawa suddenly act like he all care now?

Atsushi demand for answer for that action but his lip decided to seal and refuse to talk for that moment, not even whispers. What a tired life. He thought to himself and sigh silently.

--

Both of them reached Dazai's house and the expressionless Akutagawa just throw Atsushi on the sofa without second thoughts. Atsushi glare at the older and immediately go to his room, ignoring Akutagawa.

"He act like he care, he's here because of Dazai. That's all, not for me. Bet he's were forced to look after me" Atsushi said and sigh tiredly

He locked the door and plop himself down on his bed. He hate himself for being sick, he hate himself for burdening someone else. If he's not sick then Akutagawa doesn't have to look after him. But he's burdening Akutagawa, probably the older have work but postpone it all because of him.

"I'm a burden to everyone .. to Dazai .. to Akutagawa.." he sigh

Akutagawa who heard everything just silently stare at the door. He is standing in front of Atsushi's door because he wanted to ask Atsushi if he want to eat something but after hearing all of Atsushi's rant, he feels bad.

It's make him feel want to protect and be there with Atsushi all the time. Can he do that? Can he stay with Atsushi? Did he hurt Atsushi's feeling? And why he suddenly care for that sick Atsushi again? He smack his own head as he feel confuse with his own feelings.

Atsushi is sick, maybe a life threatening sickness. What if he start to care and love Atsushi? But suddenly Atsushi left him? Aren't that selfish? He thought to himself and decided to go back to the living room again.

His feeling is confusing him, what should he do? What if he really fall for Atsushi one day? Bet he's gonna his hurt own feeling and broke his own heart if Atsushi really did left him once he start to love him.

"This can't be happening. I can't love Atsushi, maybe care for him a little bit." Akutagawa mumble to himself and shake his head at the thoughts

"Don't love me,.. don't hurt yourself." Atsushi speak which shock Akutagawa

Since when Atsushi is standing there?! He didn't hear the door open at all. He clear his throat awkwardly and act like nothing happen.

Atsushi sigh softly and go to the kitchen. He look at the medicine that doctor prescribed him. It's look plain and simple, it doesn't look interesting at all which makes him don't feel like consume it.

If he throw the medicine away, maybe Dazai would went crazy and nag him for the whole day or maybe the whole month. He knows his illness would eat him away, eventually his soul would left his body one day.

Knowing that made him a little bit better but thinking about Dazai and people around him. Maybe they would feel sad right? At least someone must feel sad for him.

He grab the medicine and stare at it for few minutes. He's debating with himself whether he should consume it or not. How would his body react after he consume it? He never depends on medicine ever since he was a kid, he deal without it most of the time. He's still surprise at the fact that he still alive until today even though the illness already stay with him for years now.

Maybe it's not his time to go yet. He shrugs at the thoughts. Maybe God still want him to be alive for awhile before he go.

"18 years, I'm alive for 18 years. When can I rest? It's too tiring." He mumble to himself

"So you think your 18 years of living is already tiring?" Akutagawa ask

Atsushi snap his head towards Akutagawa and look at the older. Out of sudden nervousness illuminate in him. Akutagawa heard him, what if the older tell Dazai? Dazai would go crazy again!

"Uh.. no .. I mean maybe.." he said with hesitation

"I wish I could kill someone stupid like you." Akutagawa said coldly

Atsushi blink his eyes and look up at the older. How can he become so cold, it's too fast for him to adapt Akutagawa's behaviour. It was just a moment ago Akutagawa said he could care about him. But what happen now?

He tear his eyes from Akutagawa and look at his medicine again. At least Akutagawa is not going to stay with him for too long. At least Akutagawa won't have any chance to love him or even like him a little bit. He maybe already fall for Akutagawa but it's fine to keep it to himself.

Even though it would hurt him a little bit. But it's hurt more when he could feel blood always leaving his body and veins thru some bleeding every day.

It's useless to love him. Or even to stay with him, it's useless.

"You can go home, you know?" He tell the older

"Fine, whatever." Akutagawa said and roll his eyes

Akutagawa left the house without waiting for Dazai to come back home. Atsushi sigh and lean himself at the cabinet.

"It's better than loving me right?" He mumble to himself as he slid down and sit on the cold floor helplessly

He pull his knees to his chest and hide his face in his knees. Tears start to fill his eyes, he's tired to hold his tears back. He always succeed to hold it back but why he can't do it anymore?

Maybe Akutagawa left him alone and he's tired of living. He's tired of being alone even if Dazai is there for him. He can't help it but still feel lonely and all alone.

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