Heaven and Hell (Sherlock x Reader)

Chapter 10: An Awkward Morning

You blinked against the rays of sun invading your bedroom, groaning at the flare of pain that went through your head. You rolled over and buried your face into your pillow.

Memories from the party last night flashed before your eyes and you couldn't help the strangled sigh that left your lips. "I should've had more wine," you grunted.

Unfortunately, the awkward moment at the party and the tense cab ride home had not been drowned out by the alcohol you had consumed. You remembered everything vividly.

A blush spread on your cheeks as the image of Sherlock's lips filled your mind. You smiled into your pillow, mentally punching yourself for the schoolgirl crush you had on the detective. You couldn't get the man out of our head before, but, after last night, it proved to be even more difficult not to think of him.

Your smile quickly faltered as your thoughts shifted. After the almost kiss you shared in the kitchen while dancing together, Sherlock had kept his distance from you for the rest of the party. Only when it was time to take a cab back to Baker Street did he come anywhere near you.

The atmosphere in the cab was tense. Neither of you had spoken a word. Neither of you dared to look at the other.

When you had arrived at the flat, you had both fled to your respective bedrooms without even a glance.

It was awful.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and sighed. It was approaching 10 in the morning already and you knew you couldn't hide out in your bedroom forever. Sooner or later, you'd have to face the detective again.

You just desperately did not want to.

You had gotten so close to the detective last night, closer than he had ever allowed anyone to get. After that, you weren't sure if you'd be able to behave normally around him ever again.

The comfort of your friendship had already been obstructed. You didn't know if you could ever return to that place. You didn't know if you wanted to return to that place.

Dancing with Sherlock had felt more intoxicating than any of the wine you had consumed. It felt natural, however. It felt good.

You wanted to kiss him and hold him tighter. You wanted that closeness again.

But was that even an option?

Sherlock had avoided you for the rest of the night. He hadn't even looked at you once after he fled from the kitchen. Perhaps his actions had simply been a spur of the moment thing. He was Sherlock after all. Married to his work.

You felt tears prick your eyes but refused to let them fall.

Whatever was going to happen with Sherlock from now on, you would be okay with it. You just wanted him in your life. You wanted to fix the obstacle between you and be his friend again. The friend who made you laugh and made you feel safe.

You slowly slipped out of bed, dragging your feet over the carpet. You tied your robe and, with a sigh, descended the stairs.

Sherlock was sat in front of his microscope. He heard you come in but kept his eyes glued to the lens.

Neither of you said good morning.

You turned the kettle on and grabbed a few crackers for breakfast. You looked at Sherlock from the corner of your eye.

His body was rigid, his fingertips turning white from the sheer force of his grip on the microscope. His back was straight and his shoulders were tense. His jawline was even more pronounced with how hard he was gritting his teeth.

He needed a case. Anything to get out of the flat and not have to be around you. It was a Sunday, so you didn't work. That meant a full day together and, right now, Sherlock couldn't bear it.

He had been wide awake all night. All night, he thought. His mind raced with thoughts and feelings and confusion. Seeing you this morning, in your shorts and robe, was not helping.

He felt jealous last night when he saw you chatting and enjoying yourself with anyone who wasn't him. When he finally caught you alone, he had taken you to the kitchen to dance. To have you all to himself.

He had gotten so absorbed in the feeling of holding you, in the adoration within your eyes, and the sensation of your touch that he had lost all control. He wanted to kiss you and, if Molly hadn't interrupted, he would have.

But he wasn't supposed to! He wasn't supposed to be feeling everything he was.

That's why he couldn't look at you. Why he couldn't utter a single word in your direction.

He was afraid he would lose control. He couldn't do that. He was taught to never do that.

He already cared too much about John and Mary and the little girl they had on the way. He had suffered because of that love. Done things out of emotion he shouldn't have.

With you, it was different. His feelings for you were different. They were stronger, more intense. What would happen to him if he'd give into you as well?

It was a risk he couldn't take. But the thought of not having you in his life was unbearable.

That's why everything had to go back to how it was before the party. Flatmates. Friends.

Nothing more.

You sipped your tea and awkwardly stared at the floor. You wanted to say something. Say anything that could break the tense feeling in the air.

You cleared your throat. "No cases today?" you asked timidly.

Sherlock froze for a moment, pondering what to do. "No," he said quickly.

You nodded, keeping your eyes fixated on the wall. "That's too bad."

"It is."

You cringed, already planning your escape route. But this was Sherlock. You had to repair what had been broken.

"How's your experiment going?" you coaxed.

"Fine," he answered sharply. 

He dared to look up from his microscope and make eye contact. He swallowed thickly. "You could assist me... if you wish."

You moved to the chair next to him, carefully sitting down to maintain some distance. You picked up his labelled tubes and analysed them. "Interesting," you spoke.

Sherlock nodded and pushed his notebook towards you, sharing what he had already discovered.

You smiled sheepishly. "Testing the effects of alcohol, huh?"

Sherlock chuckled. "I was inspired by the many glasses of wine I saw you drink last night."

Your cheeks burnt. "It was good wine," you defended.

"I noticed."

For the first time since the night before, you looked at each other properly. You smiled at him and he smiled back.

"We're still friends, right?" you asked hesitantly.

He nodded. "Still friends."

"Nothing more?" you attempted.

Sherlock stared at you. His saddened eyes looking into yours before he finally shook his head. "Nothing more."

<>

Back with a new chapter for you guys! I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you so much for reading! <3