Utterly Ridiculously In Love

1.2

     Time to face the day. Maybe I can go unnoticed. I put on my hood and walk in, the a little farther than shoulder length hair still seeping out of the hoodie.

     Everyone is already in their seats talking or joking with friends. Good. No one even looked in my direction yet. All I have to do is go take a seat in the back unnoticed. Easy peasy.

     "Chloe!! It's so good to see you again!!" MsBustier called out with her arms open wide in joy just as I was about to start walking. As I turned to her her everyone turned to me.

     So much for unnoticed. I feel all their stares on me, can sense the silent judging.

     "Yes nice to see you too Ms.Bustier." I said kind of quietly but loud enough that she heard me and gave me a very happy nod. She had already had her beautiful baby and was back to teaching. The talking kind of resumes but is a little quieter than it was when I walked in, as I walk to the back and grab a seat.

     I slowly pull down my hood and look around. Ugh I should've gotten coffee on my way here. I've been having insomnia for a while and did not get a lot of sleep. It was already draining just walking into class. As I look around I see a lot of familiar faces. The names not so familiar tho... Audrey always said 'learning the real names of people who weren't important was utterly a waste of time.' I see Sabrina.

     She grew her hair out a bit longer. I remember telling her when we were younger that she couldn't have hair as long as mine cause I'm supposed to be prettier. I'm an ass. She's over there laughing with they guy who turned into a rock monsters girlfriend.

     Seeing her brought back the memories of what I had done to her. The line I crossed. I stepped all over sabrina but it was finally too far.

                                 ~8 months ago~
Mother said That I have to ruin her date but how. Suddenly I had an idea, luckily I had time before the got to their destination. At least she said where she was having it. Dupain-Chengs bakery. Ugh I utterly hate that girl. Her clumsiness and niceness are her downfalls. It makes her weak. Mother said the only way to get what you want is to do it the way she does, with harsh assertiveness and power, and that 'niceness' is just another word for weakness.

Wait! I think I see them! Sabina is holding on to the guys arm as they approach closer to the bakery. They're laughing together and seem to be having a good time. I guess it does kind of makes me jealous... no one ever wants to hang out with me like that... is it really an embarrassment that I don't have a lover.

My heart starts to boil in jealousy. Sabrina is making me look weak, making a fool out of me, making mother look down on me and having me embarrass her. It's not fair! I want someone to look at me like that! Who said that Sabrina gets to get a cute guy!

As they approach I start walking up to them. Sabrinas eyes widen in shock of seeing me here.

"Oh Chloe! What are you doing here?" Sabrina asks grinning with joy. Joy that I should have.

"I'm actually here to tell your date the truth Sabrina! That you are only using him!" I exclaim to the both of them. Her date looks confused and sad.

"W-What are you talking about Chloe? Why would you even think that?" She said completely confused.

"Oh cut the act Sabrina, you know you said you don't really want him. You said you were just desperate since none of the other boys in our school would date you! They all know you're a man-eater and you said you just want someone new to manipulate!" I yelled at her.

"Chloe what the actual hell are you talking about! I am not a man-eater! I've never even dated anyone before! Why are you saying all of this!" She yelled back becoming furious.

"Seriously dude if I were you I'd leave. I wonder what her mother would think if she knew her daughter was a whore." I said maliciously.

"Hey listen Sabrina, I actually have to meet up with my mom soon, and I feel like it would take a lot of time to sort this out and I don't have it. I'm sorry, I'll talk to you when I can." He said leaving the red-heads arm as tears started to form in her eyes.

"Listen Sabrina I was trying to save your reputation, you can't walk around dating a nobody you should be lucky i saved you-" I see the tears in her eyes as I start to walk over, I try to touch her shoulder but she pushed me off.

"Get the fuck off me Chloe! What the fuck! Why the hell would you do that! Why the hell would you say that!" She said to me as tears of rage came down from her eyes.

"Sabrina you can't walking around having a boyfriend when I don't! Imagine what will happen to my reputation and my mom said-" I started to say.

"Enough! I'm sick of it Chloe! You did this cause you were jealous?! I don't care what your mom said! Why would you bring up my mom! You know my mom died when I was younger! You know you crossed a line. I'm sick of putting up with this! You're a bitch! You made fucking lies up about me to get rid of my boyfriend cause you were jealous! I'm done with you!" She screamed at me, tears still coming out her eyes as the words left her mouth harshly.

"Sabrina- Come on- sure I was a bit jealous and worried about my reputation- but we're best friends" I said trying to reason with her.

"Not anymore Chloe. I'm done. You're worried more about you than our friendship and my feelings so you don't need me as a friend since you have yourself and your "reputation." The last words coming out of her mouth as cold as ice.

"Fine! You know what! I don't need you anyway Sabrina!" I said storming away knowing that it was a lie. I had just lost my best friend. As I left and looked back I saw Dupain-Cheng embracing her in a hug as she broke down on the ground crying.

Is this really what was right? Is this really what mother had wanted? For me to hurt my friend? Make her cry? All for some status? Is being friendless really the answer to being the best?

     I sure don't feel like the best.

     I didn't go to school the next day. The next day turned into the next week. The next week turned into me breaking down in front of my dad asking can I please be home schooled the rest of the year.

     I didn't feel like the best. I didn't feel powerful. I feel weak. Broken. Terrible. Sick of myself.

    As I deserve to.

                                      ~Present~
     I guessed I zoned out looking at Sabrina cause when I recollected myself she was staring back at me. I slowly put my hood back on and sunk back into my seat.

     There's so many things I want to say to Sabrina. For one sorry. I want to give her a real apology. I know me listening to my mother is not an excuse and I wouldn't be friends with me either. But she deserves an apology. I knew her mother was a sensitive topic when she came to me with it and I abused her trust.

     I want to apologize for always taking advantage of her kindness and friendship. Tell her she's not weak or ugly, but strong and beautiful.

     Would she even talk to me? I would never want to see me again... No one ever told me she visited while I was doing homeschool and therapy sessions. The therapy sessions daddy made me do cause being locked in my room all the time worried him.

Having to learn how to be a better person. Having breakdowns and depression because of things that I did. Acting like a victim.

Pathetic.

I did learn a few things about myself though and I still go, but I feel like they definitely would've mentioned her visiting. Probably would've hoped it would've took me out of my room which I isolated myself in. I didn't deserve to see anybody. I deserved to be alone. Took away someone else's love so why should I have any.

*Riiiiiinnnnnggggg*
The bell already? I guess I zoned out again. Well, time to the next class I guess.

Science. I hope I don't need a partner.