Chaper Two: Party planners

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Dracula opens the door to a bedroom, and Jonathan screams in horror and runs in while I stand beside Dracula, unfazed by all of this. "Johnny," I say, crossing my arms, "can you calm down for one second, please?"

"No, I'm getting out of here!" He opens the cellar door, and a monster that is down there roars at Johnny, forcing him to go back up. He runs out and hangs on a curtain that is hanging above the bed. Dracula walks up to the cellar and says, "Shut up, already. It's impossible for me to think with all your noise. Sorry, Glen! Go back to sleep!" He closes the cellar door, and Glen roars from down below in reply.

"I'm sorry for his behavior, Dracula."

"Well, at least you are not the one who is freaking out."

Wait. Aren't you going to suck our blood? Johnny said,

Classic human paranoia. Human blood is so fatty, and you never know where it's been. He sat down at the end of the bed.

So, Dracula doesn't drink blood? Johnny said while getting off the curtain and crawling over the bed to Drac, who was still sitting at the end, and says, "No, I use a blood substitute. Either Near Blood or Blood Beaters. You can't tell the difference."

That's actually really cool. To be honest, I said,

"So, wow, you're, like, the real Count "Dracula." Like, "I'm Dracula. Bleh, bleh-bleh."

"Johnny, what did I say about mocking the man?" you said, a bit disappointed.

You should listen to your niece because I've never said that in my life. "Bleh, bleh-bleh." I don't know where that comes from.

Can I just ask, what exactly is this place?" Johnny asked.

Dracula got up and went to the balcony door and opened it, and some moonlight came in while he said, "What is this place? It's a place I built for all those monsters out there, lurking in the shadows, hiding from the persecution of humankind. A place for them and their families to come to and be themselves. A place void of torches, pitchforks, and angry mobs. A place of peace, relaxation, and tranquility."

Cool. So, it's like a hotel for monsters?" Johnny said in a cool tone.

Yes, exactly. "A hotel for monsters." That sums it up nicely. Okay, hop on my back. We're leaving." Dracula transformed himself into a bat.

"And I said, 'I don't want to be rude, but how are we both going to hang on to you?'

"And Johnny said, 'Man, you're a bat now.' Drac ignored my question and flew Johnny first out of the room while Johnny was babbling about how he wanted to fly and do stuff. I always wanted to fly. What's it like? Wait. Wait, I want to stay. Can Frankenstein sign my costume? Can I meet the Invisible Man? Hey, if I stuck my hand in the Invisible Man's mouth, would it disappear?'

When Dracula had finally flown out the window, Mavis flew at them and Dracula said, 'Hi, Mavis! What are you doing, my sweet little blood orange? Our friend was just leaving.'

'Yeah, he was flying me out the window,' Johnny said as Dracula flew back in with Johnny and changed back. 'This guy, he's so funny. Look, you have something on your face. Play along if you ever want to see your precious backpack.'

When Mavis flew in, she changed back to normal.

"And Johnny said, 'Whoa. So, wait, you didn't have any clothes on when you were a bat? Or were they bat-sized?'"

Jonathan, you don't ask a girl that. You said "faceplanting," and Mavis said, "Who exactly are they?"

Hmm. Honeybat. You see, it's your birthday. And you know I want you to have the best, most special party of your life. So, well, I needed some help.

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