Hate Me | Eren Yeager

25. In His Eyes

When Eren first met you, he knew it would end up bad. So bad that you would fill every void in his head, so bad that he couldn't go two days without seeing you, so bad that he would never want to let you go.

In the beginning it was pure ecstasy. Sparks flew every time you touched him and he knew he'd eventually catch fire. You melted his heart to the very core, and he didn't understand why.

Maybe it was because you were impulsive and that excited him, or because you were confident and knew what you wanted, but for every one of your beautiful traits was a flaw, and he didn't care in the slightest.

But the beautiful bond you two shared quickly turned twisted and possessive. And it was all because of him.

Zeke came back and put poisoned thoughts into Eren's head. He asked Eren to do shady things, and to not tell a single soul. The more he became sucked into this world of crime the darker his own world became.

He quickly began to see he wasn't worthy of you, that you were so much better than some low-life drug dealer like him. But... he couldn't let you go.

No matter how many times he saw you cry because of him, or shout or get mad, he clung to you like dog would cling to its owner. You were the only good thing in his life at that point, and to him there was no life without you in it.

Despite the many woeful rainy days of your relationship, you were still there to hold him in whatever way you could, even just seeing your face was enough to calm him.

However... with each passing day he found it harder and harder to communicate his feelings. Sometimes he was afraid you'd be disgusted or upset if he told you he loved you because it would seem so out of the blue.

But among every thought in his head, the only one that stayed constant in that period of darkness was the belief that you hated him.

He saw all the ways you'd glare at him, or snap if he said something you didn't like, even how much you drank when he wasn't around. He wanted to ask if you were okay, but there was always something holding him back whether it be fear or shame, or perhaps hesitation because it was too late for any form of communication.

More than anything he hated himself. He hated every single thing about him, and at times he couldn't understand why you stayed with an asshole like him, perhaps it was just out of the convenience of shared rent. But still, he'd take any opportunity to be close with you, even though it was always just sex he'd still prioritize your pleasure or find a way to show his devotion to you, though he wasn't always the best at showing his intentions.

And then one day...

"... I'm pregnant."

Nothing had ever left him quite so speechless before. His head was empty yet full of thoughts going three millions miles an hour.

Admittedly, he had never envisioned a future quite that far before, but in that moment he did.

He imagined looking at you holding a sweet baby and smiling genuinely for the first time in a while. He wondered if it was a boy or girl, what you would name them, even which features they would take from their parents.

He found his imaginations going further. He saw himself holding a newborn baby and rocking them to sleep, and again he saw you, happy, for once.

Could this make you happy? He thought to himself.

But those imaginations left as quick as they came. It was probably an unrealistic future. You two were struggling to even pay rent and hospital bills, there was no possibility of supporting a kid in the near future.