Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

17 April, 1998 - Godmother (II)

It was, Lavinia supposed, a measure of the strength and endurance of her friendship with Remus that had her going straight to his house after the end of her shift, still half shaking with her heart in her chest and fear in her veins but a euphoric, hysterical something stuck in her chest. Because despite the spats between them, despite the moments of sort of almost falling apart and the crumbling she could have sworn she'd felt every once in a while, despite all of it, Remus had for a long time been and for a long time yet would still be her best friend.

And it said something, Lavinia knew, that despite the coldness between them, his were still the first arms she looked for, with shaking hands and a laughter that wasn't from mirth. And it said something more than he didn't hesitate. That every word of her story was met with a fractional tightening in his hold until Lavinia knew that the embrace was as much for her comfort as for his.

And when Tonks set down cups of tea and put a hand on her shoulder, Lavinia saw some fierce sort of camaraderie there that reminded her that she was not the only one who had had their lives touched by Death Eater cruelty. And she was, she supposed, also not the only one who had had to learn how to fight back when such things hadn't always come naturally.

Truthfully, Lavinia thought that afternoon might have been the first time when she had really truly felt like she belonged in Remus's new life. Not as an extra or an old friend with fading ties, but as someone who belonged there, in that home, as a friend to both Remus and Tonks. As the family she had once known herself to be where Remus was concerned.

And maybe it had always been that way and Lavinia had been a fool to think it was changing, or maybe that day was a turning point, or else a reminder, but either way, it stopped feeling so odd to stop by and help out around the house, especially as Tonks's pregnancy progressed. It stopped feeling like she was unnecessary or extra when she simply sat with them and chatted. It felt natural and normal and good.

And when a wolf patronus appeared in Lavinia's living room on a rainy April day and spoke in Remus's voice, Lavinia was halfway to the door before the misty image had even properly evaporated.

She waited, as instructed - though admittedly none too patiently - in her friends' living room, pacing back and forth, somehow both anxious and excited and afraid and joyful all at once because this was a child. New life in the world and yet... at a time like this? The only child she'd known to be born into a world anything like this had had his life fall apart before he was much more than one year old. And that couldn't happen this time. It couldn't. It just... couldn't. And Lavinia knew that such prayers would do little to hold tragedy at bay but Merlin she wanted it to be enough. She so desperately wanted it to be enough.

And it seemed all her head was full of was fear and worry and a million impossible questions about how to protect this child. How to keep him from the fates Harry had suffered. How to keep him safe in a world that was, quite simply, not safe.

Until, that was, Remus and Tonks walked in the door with a little bundle in their arms and exhausted smiles on their faces and the worries fell away. Or at least, they faded into background noise because this child had turquoise hair and a face that was bright and joyful and utterly oblivious to all the faults of the world. It was an innocence unlike anything else in this falling apart world and it made her remember how it had felt to hold Harry that one time when he was little. Like the world was bright and limitless and filled with possibility. Like she could maybe, just maybe, learn how to love a child properly. Raise it properly. Like she could be there for someone in a way no one had been there for her when she was younger. Like she could be better than she'd been raised to be. Better than she'd thought she'd be. Just... better. Because this child saw none of the fault in the world and none of the faults in her. ANd it made her want to be that person who deserved a smile from a truly innocent gaze.