Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

30 December, 1996 - Complicated (III)

The world was frozen. That was the only explanation Lavinia had for the utter silence in her head, the static in her ears. Time had stopped. Everything had stopped.

Because that was Peter standing there in front of her, looking like he was staring at a ghost and had no idea what to do about it. Peter. Her Peter.

And true, he looked different - older, and... smaller, somehow - but it was still him. And he still glanced away like if he met her gaze for too long it might burn him. He still wrung his hands in front of him, lacing and unlacing fingers that seemed oddly pointed. And he still had that little twitch in his face that he'd always gotten when he was particularly nervous.

It made Lavinia's heart go all sorts of mixed up because, Merlin, she had missed him. And she wanted nothing more in that moment then to wrap her arms around him as she had so many times so many years ago and promise that it was going to be alright. That she was there for him. That she always would be. And she had meant those words. Without any expectation that he would reciprocate, without any strings attached, she had meant it. And a part of her still did.

And yet, standing there, she couldn't make her feet move. Couldn't make her tongue form words or her face do much of anything but stare and stare and stare. She was simply... paralyzed, her limbs and mind and heart all utterly frozen as searched that face and fell through a million memories of her old friend. So she stood there, shocked and unfeeling and immobile, even as Peter shook his head, still glancing all around, his eyes reading panic and fear and something Lavinia wanted to believe was an apology. Even as he finally, finally met her gaze and held it. Even has he backed right up to the door and fumbled for the knob.

And before Lavinia had had the chance to say a single word, before she'd even managed to sort through the jumble in her head and heart, he was gone, disappeared right back out the door, the tipped over grocery bags the only indication he'd been any more than a figment of her imagination.

It took Lavinia a long, long moment to register that he was gone, like the phantom image of him was burned into her eyes. Into her heart. Time seemed to move slowly, so slowly, but as Lavinia realized he was gone, as she really realized, she thought that maybe... maybe it was for the best. Because after all, who in the world would have forgiven her if she had spoken the apology that was somehow the only thing on her tongue? Who would have forgiven her if she'd utter those words out loud? Worse still, who would have forgiven her if she had meant them?

The simple answer, Lavinia knew, was no one. Because she didn't think anyone in her life had ever understood the forgiveness she had quietly harbored for years and years for the man who had betrayed them all. Who had sold off James and Lily and Harry and turned his back on his friends and run for it. Who hadn't come back. Who had let her believe for more than a decade that he was dead. Let her hurt. Let her grieve. And yet... Somehow all of that hadn't mattered. Or rather, it had, but it hadn't been enough to stop her from caring. From wishing she could have prevented the whole thing. Wishing she could have saved him.

"You should go," Severus said after a moment of silence, though Lavinia only vaguely registered his voice through the haze of her thoughts. "He'll be back."

Something about the way he said those last words pulled Lavinia out of her stupor and she turned to look at Severus, the beginnings of a frown creasing her brow. But Severus did nothing to indulge her curiosity and Lavinia was in no mood to press it.

So instead, she merely nodded and took a deep breath. And yet still she didn't move. Couldn't move. She felt glued to the spot. Like if she took even a single step, she made this real and she didn't know how this could be real because... because... Because it just couldn't be.