Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

13 July, 1997 - Happy

Lavinia went home from the funeral alone. And she spent that night alone too. In fact, for nearly the entire next week, whenever she was home, Lavinia found herself sitting in empty rooms of an empty house, alone. This, she reminded herself, was not a bad thing. Not because she enjoyed the hollow spaces or the quiet exhaustion that slipped through the halls late at night. No, it was not a bad thing because it meant that Remus was out. And he was out with Tonks.

Lavinia had noticed them departing the funeral together, hand in hand, and even if the loneliness stretched sometimes, even if she sat on the couch and stared at the photos on the mantle and wondered at how much the world had changed while staying so much the same, she really was happy for him. Because Remus deserved this. He deserved the happiness, the glow she saw in his face when he came home, the flush when Lavinia had pulled a cheeky smile onto her face and quirked a teasing brow at him because she knew that whatever Tonks had said, whatever discussion they had had at or after the funeral, it had finally stuck. And that, Lavinia knew, was nothing at all to be sad about.

And yet, when those lonely nights stretched long with Remus out of the house, Lavinia heard the quiet protests of some small, selfish part of her that never wanted Remus to go away. That wanted to keep him here, in her home and her heart. That wanted him to stay. Because that was what Remus had always done, for so very much of her life. When everything else had fallen apart and everyone else had left, Remus had stayed. And now he too was ready to go. To leave her behind.

These moments and that quiet, aching sort of sadness never lasted too long, however. Because when Remus inevitably came home the morning after a long, lonely night with a light in his face that Lavinia hadn't seen there for a very long time, it was impossible for her selfish little heart to win out. How could she mourn when her friend was so happy? How could she be sad when he was finally, finally achieving that something like peace that she'd always hoped he might find?

So while he was home, Lavinia always made sure to tuck the empty part of her away in a corner and smile for him. And it was easier when she saw his face. Easier when she let him do the talking. Easier when she remembered that at least one of them seemed to finally be getting the happily ever after they had both been so long denied. And though it stung sometimes that it wasn't her happy ending, it was, she reminded herself, enough. It was enough to see Remus happy. It was enough to see him in love. It was enough to see him looking so... unselfconscious about it. It was enough. Because it had to be.

But even seeing him so happy when he came home and so excited when he left to see Tonks again, it was still a shock when Remus returned home one day and told her that Tonks had proposed.

Lavinia just blinked at him for a moment, trying to figure out what she felt. Or what she should feel. And then, of course, what the hell should she say? Because at the moment, it was all a bit of a muddle in her head, a mix of joy and confusion and pain and something ugly like jealousy twisting in her gut.

"Oh?" she managed after a moment as Remus handed her one of the cups of tea in his hands and settled onto the sofa next to her. "And what did you say?" she pressed, keeping her tone as neutral as she possibly could because... well because this was, as far as she was concerned, a very big step. Granted, they had been off and on for more than a year now but... well. Perhaps it was just her history getting in the way of her judgement, but Lavinia couldn't help but wonder if this wasn't all a bit rushed. Then again, she reminded herself, there was a war going on. Of course they were rushing. Because there was no guarantee of just how much time you might get. The world could end tomorrow for all they knew.

"I told her I need to think about it," Remus admitted quietly, a sigh in the words that rippled the surface of his tea.

Lavinia made a noncommittal noise in her throat that wasn't entirely voluntary. Remus glanced at her. "What?" he asked.