The Heretics

11: Predispositions

It scared me how quickly this man could change the tides of my ocean with nothing more than his body language. He was capable of letting me forget entirely everything.

Searching my eyes for an answer, Reagan's curiosity flowed through me.

"You know, I wonder about you. There is so much about you that I've not figured out yet."

I shrugged. "You don't ask", I stated bluntly.

"You don't seem like you like questions", he shot back, probing me. "I could just search your mind for what I'd like to know."

My walls immediately slammed up and I stared at him wordlessly.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Which I would never do", he said quietly and strangely enough, I believed him.

"Then why say that?"

"Because you make me want to. I feel this heavy weight tug at me whenever I'm near you and it drives me insane that I can't do anything to lessen it."

His words were raw and honest. Naturally, I mimicked that. It seemed my copying him another thing not in my control. "I feel the same about you."

Albeit Reagan furrowed his brows at that, I knew that he understood that. We were floating in the same boat, rowing in different directions but still steering into the same one. It was as confusing as it was exhilarating.

"So how about I take over Leizer's offer and show you where I grew up?"

Reagan's suggestion was one that came at me with a force that sent an incredible amount of warmth through my body. It was beyond overwhelming, being pushed back and forth between his distance and his proximity now that even imagining spending time with him that wasn't forced in any way made me feel all sorts of strange things.

The exact same moment I wondered if he would stretch out his arm for me to walk with him, he did just that.

Feeling heat rise to my cheeks, I accepted, and we both exited my living quarters and walked closely next to each other. The feel of his skin touching mine made my stomach feel like it was housing sparks that burned and felt pleasant at the same time. My heart tingled and I was beyond pleased to finally be close to him like that. There was still a nagging feeling at the back of my mind telling me that this whole thing would crash and burn because I wasn't meant to be happy with someone, but I allowed myself to revel in whatever it was that Reagan and I were sharing right now. Even if I wasn't sure how long it would last.

"I must correct my previous statement. When I was young, our people didn't transform yet the way we do now. I was in transition to becoming a man when the palace was built, so my younger years were spent within nature when my people didn't know of the existence of man."

"So does that mean at one point, dragons didn't know humans existed and vice versa?"

Reagan nodded. "Exactly."

I paused when I realised something, bringing us both to a stop. Looking up at him, I tore my eyes open. "Wait. How old are you, then?"

Reagan had turned his head to hold my gaze, and now he turned and continued walking. I continued to stare at him, now his profile, and felt a knot forming in my stomach.

"I'm pretty old", he muttered after a while and my head started spinning.

"We don't age like humans do because magic is sustainable and doesn't have an expiration date. And since we consist of magic to the most part, we live accordingly long lives. You shifters outlive humans too, don't you?"

Nodding, I tried to wrap my mind about the concept of Reagan, my promised, being a few hundred years old. That meant a hell of a lot of experience before he ever met me. Had he had multiple promiseds? Was I one of many? He'd lived so many lifetimes... Then a bone-chilling question ran through my mind that shot out of me the second it formed.

"Do you have children?"

Reagan suddenly started coughing then, as if he'd chocked on his own spit, and looked over at me with as wide eyes as mine were. Then, as though something crossed his mind and he recovered from the initial shock of my question, his facial expression softened again. "What would you say if I did?"

Something cold grabbed me when he asked me that and all the warmth he'd made me feel previously flushed out. His touch didn't give me the same comfort anymore and all I wanted to do in that moment was turn back and spend the rest of the day behind closed doors, trying to sort out my thoughts. Being with someone before finding ones promised was already forbidden. Giving yourself to another was considered a sin and one could be cast out of a community because of it. Having children with someone else?

I grew up in a community where that was completely unheard of and undoubtedly unacceptable. Where wrapping my mind around him being old was difficult, wrapping it around something as life changing as this was impossible.

Retracting my arm from his, tears began to sting in my eyes. I quickly looked up to keep them from falling down my check, hoping they would stay in place. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry.

"I wouldn't say anything", I managed to get out, though everything in my body was turning cold as if my heart started pumping ice through my veins.

Reagan continued to look at me, reading everything he could in my facial expression that I tried to keep as blank as I could. I wasn't sure if it was working.

When Reagan didn't lessen the pressurized silence that threatened to suffocate me, I decided to remove myself entirely from this situation and turned to walk back to my living quarters.

Before I had the chance to walk away, Reagan grabbed my arm and made me stop gently, without using any force. I didn't resist. Any strength resisting would have needed wasn't inside of me. There was barely any strength left to keep myself standing upright.

"I don't understand this reaction. What's happening? What are you thinking?" A pleading tone lined Reagan's voice. He sounded desperate.

Was I really that hard to understand? To read? To figure out?

"Come on, leiirin. We'll sit down."

Reagan didn't stop holding my arm and instead led me further down thehallway. It forked out and in that small junction there was a two-person ottoman made of expensive black leather with golden legs. My promised motioned for me to take a seat and once I did, he sat down next to me without ever not looking at me.

He waited patiently for me to speak.

Because he didn't pressure me into saying anything, the capability of talking didn't leave me completely like it usually did whenever Kendra wanted to know something.

So, I explained as well as I could. "The Promised Bond is sacred for us. Even being in a relationship with a romantic nature isn't allowed if it's not your promised. Having sexual intent even less. So having younglings is just... It's just not right."

"So why did you say that you wouldn't say anything?"

I furrowed my brows, giving him a questioning look.

"I asked you what you'd say if I did have children. And you said, you wouldn't say anything. Why?"

Reagan's question caught me off guard and confused me. Why did he want to know that?

"Because, my customs are not necessarily yours. I probably wouldn't say the right thing if I said anything, so I rather not say anything at all." Looking down at my hands, I fiddled around with them, the nervosity returning.

"Our customs are exactly the same", Reagan said after a few moments of silence.

This time it was me who searched his eyes for any indication that he had younglings, for he still hadn't really said anything. Still a dark cloud loomed over us, one that was going to cover me in darkness if Reagan didn't make it go away soon.

And then Reagan finally answered.