ZENITH▪︎{Genshin Impact Oneshots}

lil rant bc i need it

U dont have to read this chap but I just wanna say it

Idk what's wrong with me but lately I havent been wanting to do anything. I dont want to edit, draw, write, I dotn even want to do my commissions in genshin.

Idk what's going on but it's really getting in the way.

I think the reason why I dont want to edit or draw is bc I'm not happy with my art or edits. I dont like how they look. I dont have the materials to edit like how I want bc the sapphire plugin for ae is something like 1000 dollars and I'm not spending that much. And someone on Insta gave me the links to get them for free and stuff but the link doesnt work anymore and I do t wanna risk getting a virus.

My art is different tho. I still cant decide what kind of art style i want or how I wanna color. I wanna be able to do it all but I cant. Idk how to render my art but ik color theory so I should be able to. Idk what's going on with me rn.

My sister has been getting on my nerves so much lately. And I hate the fact that shes one of those people that have "fidgets" and make gatcha life shit and all of that.

It makes me remember when I was her age I was playing minecraft on my xbox 360 in my room all day. And I'm a really sentimental person and I get attached to things way to easily and playing the old version of minecraft when the nether update and all of the new things in the game werent there. I remember playing for hours a day building stuff and mining for diamond all day. I just want my xbox.

But one year I brought it to my grandmas house and left it there on accident, but we never found it.

It also makes me sad bc my dad gave me that xbox. We dont text often but ik he loves me(not like that I dont live in Alabama LMFAO) and I love him but it makes me sad bc last time I saw him was when I was in 2nd grade. Idk what to do bc he has his own life now and has a new family. But ik he still cares about me bc he has my childhood nickname tattooed on his forearm. I just miss him and want to see him.

And what doesnt help is that I dont like me stepdad. He turns the pc wifi on at 12 and off at 4, that's 5 hours for me to do my shit. Then the mobile wifi is  on at 11 and off at 8. Then he wonders why we sleep in. Motherfucker theres nothing to do. I'm not going outside its ficking hot as hell and also what am I going to do outside.

He doesnt allow me to have my phone and thinks that I still use a tablet. Is he stupid. No seriously how fucking dumb is he. I use my phone everyday but it never leaves my room. I literally have to hide my phone from him. I hate having to do this bc my pc Is downstairs.

Everyday is the same. I wake up, eat, go on my pc, go on my phone, eat, go on my phone again, shower, then draw and write ff the rest of the night.

Theres nothing exciting anymore. And what's worrying me is my bestfriend.

We've been besties for almost 8 years now. And what's bothering me is her school rn. It's so stressful for her that's shes developing an eating disorder. She's getting really bad anxiety from it and her school makes everyone do ap classes. We live in the same city, just different schools. I'm really worried about her bc we've had eachother for 8 years. I wanna make sure that shes ok but I can't do anything.

I cant make her school better, i can make my edits better. I cant draw how I want to. I cant make my sister stfu for once. I cant do anything rn.

And yes I just got a gf and I love them sm. But they live in a different state than me and we havent met irl yet. They are my first romantic partner and I'm afraid I'm gonna mess up. I feel like I already have.

Idk what to do or how to help myself.

I'm afraid to go back to school bc idk if my friends are going to be there. Everyone in my school is on crack i feel like. No one there is likeable. Its full of the peridot and hot takis girls and the fuck boys who wear the chains and champions hoodies. Idk what to do. Idk what I'm going to do

My b day is in 10 days so I should be happy but idk. Every day is boring and idek what I'm doing anymore. Ik that I should just stfu bc people have it alot harder like my gf and many more people but I just wanted to say this.

Anyways the tomo/kazuhas dead friend lemon should be out soon, I also have a xiao oneshot and a kazuha one coming soon.

ALSO HELP LOOO AT WHAT I FOUND SHEEEESH HES LOOKING SO HOT RIGHT THERE.

and if u didnt know what rendering ur art is, if u look at his abs u can see how they look realistic. It's not just shading and highlights, rendering is adding colors from different light sources and making it look r e a l

Pla I want that food so bad. THEY EVEN USED THE OLD TEXTURES THATS MAKING ME SAD :(