To Have Loved Then Lost (LokixOc)

Adopted

In an attempt to clear my head of Hodun's accusation towards Loki as well as my confused feelings, I took a stroll around the palace hallways.

I always loved how the palace looked. I grew up in these hallways and I couldn't tell you how many times I got lost. They were very much a labyrinth where you were thankful a guard was never too far away to help.

Hide and Seek was a popular game Thor, Loki and I would play here. The rooms and hallways were so expansive, the games would easily last for hours. Loki always started winning after a while when he learned how to shape shift. Throw some illusion magic in too and winning was practically impossible. He tried teaching me magic too but I never excelled much more than conjuring a few pretty lights in my palm or changing things into different colours.

I remember I got so excited with myself at figuring out something so simple as a tiny light show. I smiled just as brightly as the ball of light I conjured in my hand the size of a small apple. Loki snuffed it out, gently caressing his hand in my own and intertwining our fingers. Hearing and feeling his breath on my face, he took my chin in his other hand and pulled our lips together in a soft kiss.

The ball of light turned to fireworks inside me. I could feel them. They were so real and I remembered them so vividly.

The stroll to clear my head had the opposite effect and I was even more confused than before. Why must being alone with your thoughts be such a dangerous thing? My heart ached as I leaned over one of the balconies overlooking the city. I tried imagining how a potential new relationship with Loki would play out in an attempt to justify that it wouldn't work. Also to see if the thought of being with him intimately like we were would either confirm or deny I still had feelings. It didn't matter. Regardless of how I felt about him, a romantic relationship in a time as uncertain as this would only worsen the chaos.

Of all things, it was Loki who broke my train of thought as he stormed down the hallway, breathing heavy and shaking his head. He froze upon seeing me and entered the closest room. Curious and worried for him, I followed and entered into another lounge. It hadn't been used in a while as shown by the fire being out, the curtains closed and all the torches extinguished.

"Loki, what's wrong?" I asked shakily as I lit the torches as fast as I could. He only sat there on the velvet sofa, slumped over and his hands buried in his face. "Please talk to me, I want to help." I then went to light the fire and I looked over my shoulder. His hands were still over his face but his eyes were now visible and was crying profusely. The fire ignited at once and I ran to him, hugging him as tightly as I could.

"Loki, I can't do anything if you don't tell me what's wrong." I wasn't far away from crying myself as he left me in the dark. He hugged me back, burying his face in my neck and continuing to cry. I allowed him to let it out with no more questioning. It was the first time I've seen him like this in a long while. It frightened me. I could feel him clinging onto my dress for dear life, afraid I'd disappear if he let go. I wished so badly to know what was upsetting him.

He eventually pulled away and I gave him one of my handkerchiefs. He pressed it to his face, wiping his eyes and nose.
"Breathe." I said gently as I rubbed his back. "Start at the beginning."
"I don't even know where the beginning is." He sighed, looking straight ahead of him.
"Is Thor's banishment upsetting you? Because that's perfectly fine, you're allowed to care_"
"No, it's something else." He replied. Collecting his thoughts, he stopped crying and stared into the space in front of him.

"In Jötunheimr, something happened with a Frost Giant. When we were fighting, he grabbed my arm and... it turned blue." He explained, holding out the arm in question.
"Wouldn't that just be from the cold?"
"I thought that too. But just to see if it was something to worry about, I went into the vaults to the Casket. I picked it up and I turned blue all over." My eyes widened and covered my mouth with my fingers.
"I don't understand." I said, hoping he'd be more clear in where this story was going.

"Father found me and told me that after the battle he lead in Jötunheimr, he took the Casket... and a baby." My blood ran cold, already piecing everything together. "I'm a Jötun. Laufyson." He finished.
"I-I-I don't know what to say." I stuttered. "To think no one knew. No one suspected anything."
"I was so angry and hurt that I started shouting. That no matter how much he claimed to love me, he could never have a Frost Giant sitting in the Throne of Asgard." He clenched his hands into fists, fighting the urge to hit something. I was lost for words. It all made sense now. How Odin always and so obviously favoured Thor since they were children.

Saying nothing, I placed my hand on his fist. He relaxed, taking it in his. "He just collapsed on the steps right there and then. The guards took him to his chambers and Mother refuses to leave his bedside." I felt sick to my stomach. So much has happened in so little time, it was impossible to process. We were on the brink of war with Jötunheimr, Thor was gone and there was nothing anyone could do.

I leaned on him, pressing my forehead into his shoulder, hoping to stop the tears.
"So what happens now?" I asked.
"...I don't know." Silence fell between us and it was deafening. Was there anything to salvage from this? Loki fell next in the line of succession, but would it be that easy? He never showed interest in a throne, though it was promised for him throughout this life. Whether or not he was the best choice for a King, he was the only one who could fill the role. Especially if Frigga refused to leave her husband.

"Talk to your mother." I smiled, squeezing his hand. "She'll need consoling."