For my love, Celia St. James

First letter

My Dearest Celia,

You were always the love of my life. You were beautiful and your talent left me breathless every time. You left me breathless. You did it with every little gesture you made. You took my breath away when I woke up in the morning and found you next to me with your beautiful red hair all over the pillow. You took my breath away when in the evening, after an intense day of work, I came home and found you there ready to welcome me into your arms. You took my breath away every time your eyes rested on me. I never thought I could love someone so much until I realized I was in love with you.
I miss you and I wish I had you here with me. I would like to hold you. I would like to kiss away your tears as you cry over some stupid soap opera on TV.
It's already been 4 years since that day life took you away from me. If they had stabbed me with knife through my chest, it would have certainly been less painful than watching you being taken away from me. Forever.
You warned me. You told me it would be harder to let you go this time, but I didn't listen. I didn't want to. I needed to hold on to you as long as time would allow me to. And I don't regret anything, you know? Not a single moment spent by your side. What kills me every day is the knowledge that we spent so much time fighting each other, when everything we needed was right there in front of us.
Today is a strange day. You would have turned 65 today, my love. We would have celebrated with a nice picnic on the beach, and you would have rolled your eyes as I fed you yet another sappy declaration of love. But then you would have taken my face in your hands and told me that you loved me with the same intensity. We would have kissed each other heedless of the world around us. I wished I could have really done that. To take you by the hand and walk through the streets of the city, and kiss you on a street corner. I wanted to shout to the world that I was so lucky to have Celia St. James as my wife, but alas, things never work out the way we want them to. People plan and God laughs.
I still see you as you pout at me for being too late from work. I still see you telling me with disarming conviction that you don't care what the world thinks of us. You were never afraid of who you were and you were right. There is nothing wrong with loving someone, whoever they are. I know that now. I've always known it actually. I have spent my entire life looking for you in the faces of others. You were reflected in every single individual I dealt with. You were the one I looked for in the crowd at the end of every award ceremony. You were the one I dreamed of holding when I slept in the bed of a man I didn't really love.
It was always you, Celia St. James.
My sweet Cece.

I've never stopped loving you. I never will.

Yours forever,

Evelyn.