"im not going anywhere. i wont leave. i wont give up. and i will be here every single time you need me. you can doubt it. you can try to push me away because you'll think i'll just leave anyway but that will never be true. i don't care if there are a hundred million reasons to leave...your the only reason i'll ever need to stay." he whispers and tears run down his face, he sits staring at me, staring at my damaged structure, staring at my figure and how it's paralysed, staring at my eyes which flood with physical and mental pain.
i smile with droopy eyes and lean into his hand beside my head.
"do you remember when we snuck into your mum and dads room so we could dress up as adults. i remember you stole your dads underwear and where so disappointed it didn't fit" i laugh, i felt it all slowly coming back to me. i heard alec laugh and he looked down at me with his two dimples poking out.
"they'd fit now, im sure of it" he laughs, looking into my eyes "i remember you put my mums makeup on and it was god awful but i didn't have the heart to tell you!" he laughs uncontrollably, making me laugh at the memory.
"it really was awful wasn't it! i had lipstick on my chin!" i giggle and blinked looking up at his painful laugh. he sits and smiles whilst looking up.
"i miss when life was easy. and we could just do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted" he sniffs, looking down at me. my smile drops and i tilt my head at him gently
"we can still shag whenever we want" i laugh, trying to lighten his mood. his eyes widen and he laughs into his hands with tears surrounding his eyes.
"we didn't shag when we where 13 jade" he laughs and i laugh back causing my throat to ache. i cough and cough, my back stabbed me again. i groan as my body was hurting.
"you have a place in my heart nobody else's ever could have." he says and kisses me, his body slowly leans onto mine, and my breathing was heavy. his hands traced my face as our tounges explored eachother. he pulled away and looked into my eyes with pain.
"alec" my voice broke "when you find a new girl i want her to have the same sense of humour as you. i want her to be just as stubborn so you guys laugh about the silly arguments and bickerments. i want you to carry her into bed and touch your noses as you mouth i love you. i want her to have a beautiful body so your hands fit in her curvs. i want her hair to be long and curly but not too matted so you can run your fingers through it. i want you to fall in love all over again." i say not breaking eye contact. as much as it hurts i want him to be happy and not dwell on the past.
"what if i can't? what if i continue to wake up every day of my fucking life and crave you so badly that my bones shake so much that they feel like they're gonna break? what if i keep waiting for a call or text or sign from god that never comes. what if we where meant to be and im...gonna be alone" he stammers and his heart breaking voice ends in a whisper.
"alec. your the most handsome. most charming guy i met and-" i cough, and cough so much my chest feels like it's being ripped out. he looks down at me and places his finger on my lip.
"and...any girl will fall head over heals for you" i whisper over my weakness, my voice breaking after every word. he shuts his eyes tight and runs his fingers through his hair
"but any girl isn't you denie" i hear the heart break in his voice. and as did my mine. i lay there staring into his pain crawling eyes. i look down at his weak trembling lip and i scrunch my face at the stabbing pain in my back and my chest.
"i don't know if i'll make it alec" i said with a shake and tremble in my voice. his face drops and he calmly makes his way over.
he smiled but it was shaky and my heart broke. i could literally hear it crack in my chest. i reached out and touched to side of his face gently. he leaned into it and for the first time ever since his tough, icy façade complety fell away, leaving only desperation and panic instead.
"don't you dare give up on me? do you hear me? this is not over!" he grabs my hands with an urgency that took me by surprise
"please don't give up on me" his voice was only a whisper at the end.
the edges of my vision turned black and i felt like my hand was made of lead. it fell on the bed and i closed my eyes. i was so tired
"i love you do you hear me? fight dammit! wake up! please please i love you" he repeats and he stops as he voice squeaks from shouting. my eyes flutter and i turn my head to try keep me awake. he swallows and moves closer to me, holding my hand to his head.
i can't think.
i cant breathe.
"i want so many things" he whispers "i want your mind. your strength. i want to be worth your time" his fingers graze the hem of my shirt and he says "i want this up" he tugs on the waist of my trousers and says "i want these down". he touches the tips of my fingers to the sides of my body and says "i want to feel your skin on fire. i want to feel your heart racing next to mine and i want to know it's racing because of me, because you want me. because you never," he says, he breathes, "never want me to stop. i want every second. every inch of you. i want all of it. even if these are our last moments i want them more than i have ever craved anything in my life."
and then there was nothing. nothing at all.
it was dark and my eyes fluttered to a bright light in the corner of a dark room. i was gone.
my heart sank into my shoes, because i realised at last how much i needed him. no matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. but now i can never let him know until he joins me when he life ends.
"jade. jade" he cried, letting go of my hands and watching them fall to my asleep body. "jadene!" he shouts, shaking me whilst tears blanket me. he falls onto me and hugs me tight.
"no you can't leave" he whispers whilst watching his tears trickles gently down my top, making paths down to the bottom. he shuts his eyes and sleeps next to one he loves. because he promised that he would never leave me. as he vowed on the day we married. on the day we married. on the day i died of heartbreak, not damage but only damage to apart of me that was so strong hours ago.
:(( rest in peace jadene wood.
please like and comment for the next chapter (the next two chapters are already written so should be out as soon as activity is shown)
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DESIRE - Alec Lightwood
Fanfictionthe cure to pain was eachother. jade was born a shadow hunter and trained as one until she was caught performing 'bad magic' and was immediately banished from the institute. She brings herself up as a self taught warlock, that is until she is needed...
