Indecisive (Loki Laufeyson x Bucky Barnes x Reader)

CHAPTER 21

I knew I shouldn't let him stay there, that I should push away and create a distance between us, but I couldn't and I don't think he could either. I was aware of every part of me that his touched, every breath he took that fanned against the bare skin of my neck.

So I let him hold me.

I let him stand there and hold me close to him because as much as I knew I needed the physical touch, he needed it too. He could deny it and tell me that it was just from the heat of the moment or he was only doing it because of what had just happened, but I knew he needed it.

So I let him.

I placed my arms on top of his that rested wrapped around my waist and placed my head against his, "I don't know what to do." I whispered so only he could hear it.

"About what?" I could feel the movement of his jaw against my skin as he said it, and the concerned tone of his voice, but why?

I stopped for a second. Thinking over and over how this could possibly play out. How he could somehow turn this against me and use it to his advantage. And I wanted to. I so wanted to tell him—to be able to confide in him, and tell him how I was feeling. That just wasn't my reality.

I lifted his arms from me and pulled away from him. The cold air filling the empty space of where he used to be and it took everything in me not to close the distance. I shifted to face him, his face filled with confusion and wary.

I forced a smile on my face that him and I both knew was fake, "Nothing, I'm just tired."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Are you seriously trying to lie once again to my face after what just happened?"

"I'm not lying." I repeated.

He shook his head, looking around at the empty roof we were standing on, "There's no one here, you don't have to act like there's nothing wrong when I can see it on your face. The way you act, the way you carry that same weight that I know is pressing down on your shoulders everywhere you go. You can let go now Y/N, even if only for a moment."

I was taken back by what he had said. How he had seen through that shield I had put in my place around my self to preserve what was left, and I had almost fell to my knees on the spot, but that shield snapped back in place. I don't know why I said what I did next. Maybe it was an act of trying to change the subject from me to him or because I was tired of not knowing what he was thinking. "I could say the same about you."

"And what would that be?" he asked, a beckoning tone in his voice, taunting me to say more.

"You blame yourself,"

He said nothing, waiting for me to continue.

"You blame yourself for the fact that you weren't there when she died. That your past actions because of how out of control you let your emotions roam, landed you in that prison. That the consequence to your actions felt to you, like her protection."

I could have sworn I saw that pain he had been keeping locked inside him flash in his eyes before he blinked it away. He looked out to the distance—away from me.

"And what if, on the rare time that you are right, which is almost never that that is true."

"Then I would say, that it is you who needs to let go."

"I can't." his voice steady but quiet.

"You can."

This time it was his shield that snapped back in place, "I can't." he said louder, angrier.

"Can't or won't Loki."

"That is of no concern to you." he began turning my own words against me.

Two could play at that game. I huffed a laugh, "There's no one here Loki!" I yelled, "There is no one here besides me. I am here and I see you." I stood in front of him and placed a hand against his cheek. He didn't lean into the touch.

"Why can't you see me?" I said.

He still wouldn't look at me, but I swore I saw a tear fall from his left eye.

"Look at me." I whispered, searching his face for any sign of recognition, "Look at me." I choked out. Tears beginning to pool in my eyes. I began to walk away, not wanting him to see the tears as they began to fall.

I brushed back the dampness with the back of my sleeves, but before I could reach my hand up to wipe it away he was there in front of me.

He hesitated for a second, hand raised as he brushed back the tears from my face.

"I see you, darling. I see you."

-

This chapter is a little shorter, and it did take longer to come out I just haven't had a lot of time to update. I don't think I will be putting anymore TW's after this chapter so, this is a final warning that there may be more TW content in future chapters. Thank you so much for 13k, I would love to know how you guys think of it so far!