The Trial Of Temptation

bravest man i know

Tom woke up a few hours later. You couldn't sleep, due to the cesspool of anxieties and what-ifs clamoring your mind. You talked to the nurse again for a while, just about what it might be like to stay as a guest for a week. You already knew you'd have to talk to Tom about labeling you as his "romantic partner" which of course would prove itself to be a real treat. You knew that Tom was significantly worse off than you'd thought he was. And you knew you'd have to be the one to tell him that he'd miss the demonstration that would take place in the upcoming week. The nurse insisted that you should be the one to break all of the news to him, because it was usually easier to hear from a trusted friend. She was probably right. Didn't mean you wanted to do it. But, you eventually accepted and waited for Tom to come-to. When you felt a small squeeze to your pointer finger, you knew he had.
"What time is it?" Was the first thing he said.
"9:00 pm." You answered, your leg starting to bounce in dread and anticipation. Tom yawned and let his head fall lazily down to rest slightly to his right. He looked down at you, and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Perhaps your nervousness was obvious to him. You hoped not. You decided to rip the band-aid off while you still could form words. You scooted your hair up closer to him, so that you were able to reach down your hand and gently play with him hair, which always seemed to calm Tom down a bit. You pursed your lips slightly as you began to twirl your fingers in his sandy waves.
"So, um- Tom." You stammered. He looked up at you, eyes lidded and tired.
"Yeah?" He muttered, flicking his gaze up and down your face. You broke the eye contact, instead opting to stare intently at the sink across the room.
"Y/n. What is it." Tom groaned, lifting a finger to tip your cheek back to look into his eyes. You paused, a bit distracted by how sparkly and green his eyes were, but eventually found the courage to clear your throat.
"Um- so. You know what I'm just going to give it to you straight. Forgive me in advance. Tom, the thing is, um- you need a bit more help than I originally anticipated, which means that you are uh- gonna be transferred to the uh- critical OD unit." You finished. Your eyes immediately squinted shut in embarrassment and guilt.
"Okay."
You slowly opened your eyes to see Tom still looking up at you with the same, soft green eyes. They hadn't gone hard or sad hearing the news. You remembered that this wasn't Tom's first time in a life or death situation. He'd been living under the constant threat of assassination for his entire 20s. Part of you did sometimes wish that he'd chosen a career path of less imminent danger. Even if it meant that he hadn't met you, at least he'd be safe. Perhaps even better for him that you hadn't come into the picture. But you had. And here he was, and here you were, sitting in a cold hospital room, gazing into each others eyes. "Anything else?" Tom inquired, momentarily darting his tongue out to wet his lips. You nodded.
"What?" Tom insisted. You took a deep breath.
"Ihavt'beurluvtostayherwityou." You blurted out. An amused smile crept over Tom's face, and his warm chuckle met your ears.
"What?" He chuckled. You shook your hand and covered your face with your hands. Tom groaned jokingly and moved your finger slightly over so that he could peek into the hiding place your eyes had found. He raised his eyebrows.
"Y/n." He pleaded. You groaned and slapped your hands down on your legs.
"Fine! In order for me to stay with you while you are hospitalized is for you to say I'm your romantic partner." You blurted out. Tom immediately smirked and brought his hand up to lazily rest by his forehead. Swoon.
"Oh yeah?" He jeered. You nodded slowly, blushing furiously and playing with the hem of your shirt. Tom smiled and turned to you, tipping your chin up to meet his lidded eyes. He flashed a shit-eating grin when he saw how red your face was.
"Y/n. If you really, really want to stay, we can say that." Tom assured. His sarcastic tone did make your blood boil a bit, but just the thought of him and you as "romantic partners" made your heart soar. Yes, this would be a temporary label, but it didn't make it any less exciting. You smiled sweetly at Tom, who had eyes fixed on you, sending a chill down your spine. He then looked away and crinkled his brows in worry. You shifted and move nearer to him.
"You okay?" You asked, rubbing his forearm up and down. He looked at you and nodded, his lip catching in between his teeth. He started to say something, then stopped. Then again, but this time he was able to muster up the courage to say something.
"Am I dying?" He inquired. You noticed how calm he was when he said that. Anyone else would probably have a tear or two leaking from their eyes. A few lines of worry, maybe. Tom, however, looked as if he'd just asked what was for supper. You were so transifxed on his inner workings, and why the man was able to show unadulterated bravery even when faced with something like death. He didn't know what a hero he was. Looking at him, you'd have never guessed that thousands had marched the streets of Chicago all because he was thrown in a county jail for a few hours. To so many, he was this martyr. A civil rights champion that represented the hope of a new tomorrow. To others, he was the devil. You'd seen some of the signs the opposition would hold. You'd be lying if you said they didn't scare the shit out of you. Tom would see a sign like "I want to cook Tom Hayden's penis like the fucking hog he is and feed it to my family" and he would just smile that gorgeous smile of his and laugh it off. He was astounding to you. You wished he knew how special and influential he was, but then again, it might spoil him. He might've been made better by his unassuming nature. You certainly loved him for it. Tom raised his eyebrows at you. He always did that to let you know you'd been staring too long. It took you a second to snap out of it.
"Um- huh? No. No you'll be alright. Just have to stay here for a bit." You asserted. Tom chuckled and let out a small sigh of relief. There was a moment of silence, but Tom broke it by clearing his throat.
"Ya know, this isn't my first near-death experience." Tom stated matter of fact-ly. You cocked an eyebrow.
"It isn't?" You asked, lifting the bed barrier up to climb in with him. He wrapped an arm around you as you flung one of your legs around him. You looked up at him in permission for him to continue talking. He nodded.
"Yeah, no I tried to kill myself when I was 13." He told you. That really, really took you by surprise. He knew it too, because seconds later you felt Tom's long fingers playing with your hair. Your heart was breaking silently, but you wanted to stay strong for him. This was something personal to Tom, that he had been generous enough to share with you. Now was not the time to cry on him.
"You did?" You asked, burying your face into his chest. You felt Tom's heart rate speed up when you brought your fingers down to take his hand in yours.
"Yeah. Um- I think I've been meaning to talk to you about this for quite a while, but there hasn't really been a good time. So uh- if you'll indulge me, I guess I'll get it out now." Tom explained. You nodded and kissed the back of his hand gently.
"I'm here to listen." You told him, looking up to see him smile softly. You returned his grin and took your place buried in his chest once again. It took Tom a second to start again.
"So- you know how I'm really kind of weird about sexual stuff? Like how I act like it's almost as regular for me as a cup of coffee in the morning?" He asked. You nodded into his hospital gown.
"Yeah." You responded. You knew what he was going to talk about, Abbie had already told you, and when Tom had told you about his suicide attempt, you were able to put two and two together.
"So um- yeah my mom used to sexually abuse me when I was small. Started when I was 5. She'd come into my room after my sisters were asleep, give me a sucker and like- start to touch me and make me touch her and stuff. It became such a regular thing, that I thought that it must just be part of becoming a man. It continued all the way through middle school, when my dad found out. He almost beat me to death- ah- so 3 near death experiences. Um- anyway- so even after that- my mom didn't relent. She started to have actual penetrational sex with me, while I was put under by whatever she would give me at that night's dinner. Sleeping pills, I guess. Sophomore year in high school is when I started to figure out that what was happening to me wasn't okay. I stayed over at my friend Jason's house to watch football, and mentioned it to him in passing. He threw up and explained to me that I was being raped and abused. Kinda dawned on me then. I didn't know who to tell, so I started sleeping around to take my mind off of things. I ended up sleeping with over a hundred girls in the span of a year. Eventually, when my dad caught my mom and I again, he beat me up even worse, and that's when I slit my wrists. Deep, too. I thought I was a disgusting, filthy pig that needed to be slaughtered. How the hell could I live on- knowing what had been done to me, and what I'd done in return? It didn't work, thankfully, and I was able to get out of that house and go to college, where I met Carl. I've been able to get by pretty well, but I'll admit, it makes sex and relationships and emotions in general ridiculously complicated for me. So- um- im sorry. That's a lot." He finished. You didn't want to look up at him. Hearing those kinds of things being done to Tom made your emotions impossible to control. You sniffed, and looked up at him, tears in your eyes. He smiled half-heartedly. You brought a trembling hand up to his face, and smiled. You were so touched that he had the courage to bare his soul to you like that. It meant a lot to you.
"Thank you, for sharing that with me. I want you to know-" Tom cut you off
"It's okay, don't make a big deal, I'm fine." He chuckled awkwardly. You shook your head.
"You didn't deserve that. You- you didn't deserve any of that. Look, I know I've done shitty things to you-" Tom cut you off once again.
"Like pretending to date Abbie."
"You know about that?" You asked, cringing in embarrassment. Tom nodded.
"Yeah, y/n. I know you." He muttured. You pursed your lips and huffed.
"Tom I want you- no- need you to know, that you are probably the bravest person I've ever met. Like, ever." You told him. He blushed and hid his face with his hands.
"S-sorry I'm bad with compliments, but it's cute that you think that." He said with a lopsided smile.
"It's true." You said, cupping his face. You thought, hoped, he might kiss you, but he drifted off to sleep moments later.