Sun Kissed ✓

six

THE waves rippled over each other and lapped along the sand, murmuring softly in a peaceful, rhythmic hymn as dusk drew closer and the sun sank beneath the horizon.

Austin glimpsed at Tanner, whose eyes were dancing along the waves that they resembled, and thought about the sharp, diamond cut of his jaw, the straight-bridge of his nose, the sculpted curve of his cheekbone.

A comfortable silence hung between them as they listened to the swish of the water, and Austin appreciated that Tanner didn't feel the need to talk just for the sake of keeping the air filled. Of course, the sounds around them helped, though they were mostly shushed and there was little action happening around them.

People on the beach had packed up their belongings and families carried bags and umbrellas and towels as their children scampered ahead while groups of teenagers did cartwheels in the sand and laughed loudly and shouted across the beach to each other. Few couples passed by them, loosely holding hands and sinking into the quiet, but really Austin couldn't see anyone but Tanner.

His halo of hair was ruffled by the breeze, beautifully tousled, and he was leaning on his elbows, on the Hawaiian themed beach towel, with his head tilted ever-so-slightly backwards to feel the best part of the breeze. The way he was positioned was so frustratingly effortless that he appeared as though he was posing for some kind of distinguished fashion magazine or designer clothing website. Despite this, he was only wearing a short-sleeved, white-button up shirt with the top three buttons unfastened and short (short enough that Austin was way too distracted) blue shorts that emphasised how toned his golden thighs were (Lickety Split had always favoured an ultimately casual dress sense).

"Austin," he said curiously, lolling his head to the side to peer at the boy beside him.

"Yeah?" He was sitting on a similar beach towel that Tanner had laid down for him, sitting up with his palms resting flat against it.

There was a thoughtful hesitation before he spoke and it was refreshing to see someone so smooth fumble their thoughts into a stammer. He didn't seem to know what it was that he wanted to say.

"Um," he said hopelessly before smiling. "I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but then as soon as I tried to say it, the words kind of just. . ."

"Disappeared?" Austin asked.

"Exactly," he nodded.

Even though Austin knew the feeling better than anyone, he was kind of in a rush for Tanner to find his words because the longer it took him to figure out what he wanted to say, the longer Austin had to sit on edge, shaking his knee from side to side and erratically glancing around. He didn't want to come off as impatient, but that's exactly what he was and the seconds were passing like hours, excruciatingly interminable.

"Austin," he repeated finally, amused by himself.

"Yes?"

"You like me, right?"

His eyes went wide. "What?"

"I thought you, like, hated me for a little while," Tanner admitted with a shy chuckle.

"Hated you?"

"Maybe that's a little intense," he pondered aloud. "I guess I thought you just didn't like me all that much and I couldn't figure out why."

"I don't dislike you," Austin said, suddenly feeling a pool of guilt flood his stomach, exacerbated by the fact that he could understand exactly where Tanner was coming from. "People think I'm distant sometimes."

Tanner shuffled himself upwards and turned his body towards Austin. Cautiously, he began in a tone that was higher than normal, "You're a little distant," and when Austin didn't respond, he worriedly continued, "but it's mostly my fault."

"It's not your fault that I'm distant," Austin told him, shaking his head and feeling weirdly exposed. "It's fine, really. People have said it before. You're not the first, you won't be the last."

"I just. . . I don't wanna make you feel bad," he said softly, his hand grazing Austin's shoulder. "I don't deal well with people not liking me and I get a little in my head sometimes."

"Let me take this one," Austin insisted. "I'm a little cold without meaning to be. I think the quietness and the mostly blank expressions don't do me any favours."

Tanner laughed. "So, it is just quietness then?"

He shrugged, "I get worried about, you know, saying the wrong thing sometimes. It's nothing."

It's not like he was about to start wearing his heart on his sleeve just because Tanner was trying to figure him out, but it was nice to use the opportunity he'd been given to provide some clarity that he wouldn't have known how to offer otherwise. In a way, it was almost relieving to explain himself in this brief way, to ensure that Tanner knew he wasn't a dick (usually) and that he didn't hate him.

Still, it felt a little more vulnerable than he was used to feeling and he almost failed to resist the urge to backtrack so that he didn't start blurting and ranting. Maybe he wouldn't have resisted the urge but when he glanced at Tanner and their eyes locked, even for a second, something in him sparked and he felt just that much better.

And when he put his hand flat on the towel again, he felt gentle fingers brush over his and, as the sun disappeared, he let the sweet serenity in his chest engulf him.

NOTE
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NEXT UPDATE

Tuesday. 10. August. 2021.