The Scars of Anatomy

26. Trust Me

"Seriously, Olivia. You and this guy?" he spits, prickling my anger.

Olivia jerks her head back in surprise at his hostility, a hint of shock and annoyance pulling on her features. "What about it?"

He huffs out a humorless laugh. "You do know you can count the number of girls he's slept with on this campus on your fingers at least five times over, right?"

I watch Olivia's face fall. I remove my hand from her thigh, balling both of my hands into tight fists.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up, you jealous little prick," I say through gritted teeth.

"I'm just looking out for her," he insists.

"No, you're trying to drag me down, in hopes she'll magically start developing feelings for you, instead. News flash, it's not going to happen. She told you no. Get over it," I tell him, calling him out on his bullshit.

His face twists in anger, his complexion turning an unflattering shade of red. He balls his tiny fists and abruptly stands, Delilah shifting closer to Olivia to get out of his way. Then, just when I think he's stupid enough to try to charge at me, he snatches up his backpack, flinging it over his shoulder before storming out of the classroom, causing a scene.

A low, hushed, ominous murmur falls over the lecture hall, all eyes on our row.

I watch Olivia uncomfortably sink down into her chair, trying to hide as best as she can, flooding into herself. I can detect the embarrassment and conflict, as well as the guilt, in her eyes.

I glance at Delilah who has her gaze on Olivia, frowning in pity and disappointment. Her eyes shift up to meet mine and she gives me a helpless look, not knowing what to do.

"Hey," I say softly, scooting closer to Olivia and taking her hand in mine, rubbing circles into her palm with my thumb. "You okay?"

I wish I could say the words that came out of his mouth about me were completely untrue, but I have had more than a fair share of random hookups throughout the years. I used to brag about them not too long ago, but I feel ashamed, now.

She nods, refusing to lift her gaze that's locked on the top of the table.

Delilah sighs, scooting in closer, rubbing her hand up and down Olivia's arm to comfort her. "This isn't your fault, Liv," she whispers. "We've been through this already, you can't feel bad for not reciprocating his feelings. You're not responsible for his emotional outbursts."

"I know," Olivia says, her voice small, unconvincing.

"Finch." I lean in closer, tucking some of the hair curtaining her face behind her ear. "Look at me." Lightly grabbing her chin, I turn her face towards me.

When her big, brown eyes meet mine it feels like a sucker punch straight to the gut. She looks so conflicted, so vulnerable. I know he hurt her, made her feel guilty, even though she shouldn't, but it's Olivia. She wants to be the peace maker. She's too sweet not to care about what others think, unlike me. But now I'm worried what she thinks of me after what he said, shoving my idiotic and crude former actions in the forefront of her mind.

I know she's probably over-analyzing the interaction with rat boy, replaying his words about me in her head over and over. I pray she doesn't think she's just another girl I'm trying to get with. She's so far from that. All the other girls, I wanted them, in the moment. But Olivia, I want her for the long-haul. Something I never thought I'd want before.

"I'm sorry." The words fall thick from my lips, loaded.

I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry he lashed out at you. I'm sorry for my past. I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner. I'm sorry for coming into your life, probably making it more complicated than it already was. I'm sorry for wanting you, even though I don't deserve you. I'm sorry for falling for you, even though I know I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry for all of it. Everything.