Suicidal Teenage Dream(Trilogy)

~1~

~Faith~

I was still sitting outside, i looked down at my arms, i had scars marking all over my skin... old and new.... i cant stay scared of them can I? What is going to happen to me tomorrow? I run my fingertips lightly over my scars, i sighed, i cried silently... I just dont believe everything is going to be like the dream.... because dreams are dreams not reality...

Dreams are lies that we just like to distract ourselves with from the face of reality... Dreams cant be real for most of us, we dream to forget what its like outside... outside in the real world.... we cant make our dreams come exactly true even if we wanted too. We cant date the person we want because there are many others after them...

Hayes and i dont even talk anymore, he isnt going to suddenly appear in my life like he did in my dream, none of the guys love me like a friend nor a lover because if they did they wouldnt want me dead. Life is just a messed up piece of crap that our souls have to go through, we go through years of torture to not be saved.

Our souls can be torn apart from the inside out and we still have to go through every bad thing that happens, they say....they say every bad thing comes to an end... but id like to see this 14 years of torture to end just with the snap of a finger.... The outside breeze starts to pick up a bit, i go inside, and put my cup in the sink,

I look at my phone for the time and it was 8:30, wow time passes by pretty fast. I dont want to go to sleep because im going to have to face the boys tomorrow and not the nice ones that i grew to love. Now that i think about everything that happened, that explains why i could suddenly ride my board after the accident, and how i could suddenly swim... That all makes sense now!

I changed into a big cream sweater, black leggings, black converse, and my glasses. I went to the garage and grabbed my board, same as in the dream, i decided to changer her name to Destiny, like it was destined for me to have her, I grabbed my keys so i dont lock myself out of my house, and i left out the door to do some night time boarding.

It was relaxing with the chilly air flowing through my hair as i rode around the neighborhood. I left my phone at home because its not like i had anyone to text or call, plus boarding and texting is dangerous. As i rode i can listen to the quietness of the neighborhood, the leaves rustling, and cars passing in the distance.

I finally got back to my house ad changed into some PJ shorts and a tank top, i set my alarm for 6:30 so i have time to take a quick shower, i got into bed went under the covers, and i stared at the ceiling counting sheep till i fell asleep...I woke up to my blaring alarm, i got out of bed immediately so i dont procrastinate on getting up.

I take a shower and just do a normal morning routine, i then get changed into lace black shorts(not see through), A peachy orange flowy tank top, a white thin cardigan, grey Knee-length socks, and black converse. I put on my glasses and use foundation and concealer to cover the cuts on my thighs, I put on my glasses and curl my hair, i had no need for makeup because im not going that far, i have no one to impress anyways

I grabbed my backpack and keys and went off on my walk to school, im still saving up for a car, but with the bills i think its gonna take more then a few months. As i got closer to school the more nervous i got, i cant let anyone know about that dream, but then again i want the whole dream to happen because i done with this crappy life that i have, i just dont have the, strength or courage to do so.

I soon get to school, here we go again... I closed my eyes as i opened the schools doors, as i took my first step i opened my and i looked at my surrounding, and i see everyone looking at me, disgustedly....I really wonder what i ever did to them, to everyone. I walked over to my locker, automatically i opened my locker and i put my stuff and just grabbed my math book.

After i closed my locker, i turned around and was met with a male chest, i look up to see Jack Gilinsky, he pushed me harshly against the lockers, and grabbed me by my neck since i was wearing a tank top today. He didnt grab me hard enough to choke me, just hard enough to hold me in place. My feet werent even touching the ground.

"You little slut, why are you dressed like this? you have no one to impress, its not like anyone would like you anyways, so why even bother trying?" he said to me and then punched me in the face, i tried to pry his hands away, tears forming in my eyes, "Please let me down" i said, "Give me one good reason as to why?" he said, his grip tightening around my neck.

Something in me just burst, "BECAUSE THIS IS NOT YOU! THIS IS NOT THE REAL YOU!! YOU ARENT THIS WAY!!" i yelled, "You don;t know me! You never will!" he yelled back, "Thats exactly why you should let me go! I dont know you, you dont know me! There fore you have no right to do this! You shouldnt bully someone you dont know!" i yelled back, he stood there speechless for a second and then he started to punch me multiple times,

My tears staining my face as im left on the ground...dead....not physically but mentally, ive been mentally dead for years now... because of them... they caused me pain... for many years... they have caused me so much pain for something i dont even remember or think i even did... i did nothing to them and they hurt me... why? why must they hurt me? cause me unbearable pain? to the person that once loved them and the one they loved, now fears their presence....