Fight for us

Mother's advice

Ellie pov

Running out of archers house like that wasn't something planned as I sit in my car trying to understand what I just did and honestly I have no clue I guess I just panicked under the pressure, he never pressured me into doing anything I didn't want to do but I guess I just wasn't ready for something like that especially when I am still wearing Tristan ring. I know I am not cheating on him but doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty for what I did. Slapping the wheel I turn the engine on and head home trying not to overthink what I just did, I know if I told archer I panicked he will understand but I just need a day or two to come to terms with my feeling. My heart is leading and my brain is like five steps behind. Right now I wish I had a bottle of anything to drink right now as I just need a drink, hopefully everyone is in bed when I get back so I don't have to talk to anyone about what bugging me. Driving home I am only minutes away from my parents house and as I drive down the street I don't see any lights on and a part of me is smiling right now, I think I have a hidden bottle of wine somewhere in the house if not I has to be my father whiskey, I'll buy him another one.

Walking into the house I drop my bag at the door before kicking my shoes off and throwing myself on the sofa, I just need a sit down for five minutes before drinking away my problems like any sane person. Running a hand though my hair I try to find the wine but only find the empty bottle, rolling my eyes I spot my father whiskey behind the cereal, I knew he secretly hide one from us all. Pouring my glass I head back to the couch with the glass and the bottle incase I need another and as I take my seat my mother comes down the stairs, right now I am thankful I have the bottle because she took one look at me and raised her eyebrows like she knew I just had a bad date, I guess its mother gut.

"That bad" mother says taking the bottle of me and placing it at her feet, I give her one look before picking up my glass and necking it all, the sour taste runs down my throat and I wish I still had the bottle as I need another one just to get me though this conversation. I don't know what to say as I know what happened and I know I may of fucked up, Archer is a wonderful man with a sense of humour I find funny, he seems to care about me and always wants what best for me and I cant seem to give him even a little of me, I don't want to get his hope ups and I don't want to crush mine. I want to move on and be happy even though I don't need a man to be happy but a guy like archer is like Tristan one in a million and for me to find archer was luck, Tristan would be proud to know I have picked someone he would had loved.

"I'm in my head too much. I started to over think and questions myself if I was ready when I know I'm ready" I say grabbing the bottle from my mother feet before she can say anything however this time I place the bottle under my arm out of reach from my mother who sits there laughing at me, I know people can fall in love twice but can I be that someone. I need to get out my head and just jump, thats the only way but as I sit there I start playing with my ring. Its time to take the ring off but I don't want my son thinking I didn't love his father when he was the love of my life, at times I wished it was me and not Tristan but it wasn't and Logan only has a mother. I don't want him thinking either that I am trying to replace him as no one can do that, Tristan is a man who can't be forgotten.

"My baby girl you know what to do, just trust your gut and take a leap of faith. You have this, everything will fall into place soon" nodding my head at my mother words I know she wants to say a little more but she hasn't, instead she walks over to me and places a kiss on my forehead before taking the bottle of whiskey away, instead of fighting with her I roll my eyes and lay on the sofa listening to the rain while I play with the ring a little more, I know what I have to do but is it the right thing to do?

Being jumped on by my son I squeeze him a little before he's laughing with me and pulling himself on the floor, I have a slight head ache and am thankful she took the bottle away from me now but maybe one more wouldn't have hurt me, I guess I will never know. Feeling the floor underneath I know I was kicked off the sofa and as I look up I see my little boy sitting there with a smile on his face, if he wasn't my son and wasn't a baby still I'll be pulling him on the floor with me but he is and I can't wait till he's older. Picking myself back up I take a seat next to my son needing a serious chat with him about me and dating again, I know my son would want me to be happy but honestly I just want to check its ok with my son. While my son sits there and listens to me I wonder if he knows exactly what I am saying and in ten years I will know as he will either hate me or love me but as I am talking to him about me and dating again my son doesn't say anything till I have finished.

Feeling relief I had the chat with my son and he has a understanding of me and seeing someone else all thats next is taking off my ring and placing it in a safe place but as I look at it I don't know if I can, we were together for a while and even though its been a year without him doesn't mean I am ready just to forget about him, he made a widow but he was the one who asked me to marry him in the first place. Breathing in and then out I finally take the ring of my finger but not without tears running down my face, looking at my finger without the ring I don't know how I feel, do I feel free? Do I feel empty? what I do know is that I will never stop loving Tristan as a husband.