It's Okay to not be okay

Chapter 1

I was simply Washing my hands.
I turned the tap of grabbed a towel and started to dry my hands when all of a sudden my breath got faster and my pulse became uncontrollable.

I had carried a darkness with me my whole life, now it grew dragging me to the floor. Swallowing me, drowning me. The cold tiles  met my knees as I screamed trying to block out my own mind. It was no use. I remembered every insult every 'Joke' and every bad thing anyone had ever said to me all in a blur!

Tears were now running down my face and they burned like ice, I covered my ears now falling so I lay on the floor. I just wanted, needed it to stop make the pain go away! When would this tourture end? Need I live in fear of this darkness my whole life!

22:09
(10pm)

I Turned over on my bed thinking about how I had almost had three panic attacks this week already! It was Tuesday. I knew I needed to see a specialist but i am not one for talking about my emotions, my parents are dead worried and stressed! Ugh how selfish am I being?

I'm seriously making my Parents stressed and worried because i can't talk about my feelings? What's wrong with me god I hate myself. I turned over again in a attampt to sleep but I was wide awake. Not sleeping anytime soon apparently. I turned over again and shut my eyes tight but nothing would do it. God who knew sleep could be this hard? Life's just hard.

The next morning

I woke up late, do late that I checked my phone and almost had s flipping heart attack, it was 10 minutes til my bus came!

I jumped out of bed and started rushing around getting lunch, getting my uniform, packing bag, doing hair, grabbing P.E. kit, and rushing about til I ran out the house with a peice of plain toast, no time for butter! I ran up just as the bus was about to leave, as I got on everyone stared at me. God I must of looked a mess- wait I didn't recognize most of these people OMG was I in the wrong bus? I started to panic when my friend waved me over to sit with them.

They reminded me that there was new transfer students. They also mentioned how u looked a mess. Like thanks mate! Then I got worried so went to my pocket to pull out my phone to look and OMG IT WASN'T THERE what if I dropped it at the bus stop? Or when I was running I didn't see it fall out my pocket! I kept telling myself I had simply forgot to pick it up in the mad rush but at the back of my mind I was worried sick.

The bus drew up to the school and we filed out, I checked my timetable and great maths! An amazing way to start the morning. I walked over to my friend group, her Meredith! They greeted me, Layla gave me a lopsided smile as the bell went and we all split if to go to different math rooms, we was all in different math sets so I was only in the same set as Miya and Charlotte.

We arrived at the room and took our seats as out teacher miss yakobs told us to get out a five a day to 'wake up our brains' then we had a test! Today was going to be hard I could tell.