Une Fleure Fanée

Week 8 Part 1 (Sunday)

***lilly***

     I get a text from Brady on my phone. I wish he was here instead of in Miami. He helped us win. We've lost twice now. You're the reason Brady isn't here, Lilliana. I want to go back to sleep. But I have to text the placements

     Brady: what r da placements

     Lils: Hazing 2nd, Elliana solo 1st, press solo 2nd, hannah solo 2nd

     Brady: losing streak eh?

     Lils: sadness

     Brady: you'll do better next time. Ttyl

     Lils: k ttyl

     Pressley suddenly approaches me and I jump, a rush of anxiety flooding through me internally. I take a sharp exhale and look at her. She has a high ponytail and a cute pink solid dress.

     "Pics?" Pressley asks and I nod.

     I hate being in pictures. I look so fat in them. You're such a disgusting slut, Lilliana. I don't want to do anything. But I fake a smile in the photos, making a peace sign, puckering my lips.

     "Thanks. Bus leaves in thirty minutes," she says, and she walks back and starts packing.

     I grab my stuffed llama, my sweats, my empty plastic bag, and other odds and ends, all being placed in my suitcase. I'm done in five minutes. The newbies unpack everything. Ellie and I, we know better.

     I'm about to ask Elliana if she and I want to sit together before Gia begs, "Ellie, please please please sit with me! I don't want to be lonely."

     "Okay," Ellie replies and shrugs, not giving a second thought about it.

     Now I'm lonely. Nobody likes you, Lilliana. Elliana isn't your friend. You're lonely like you deserve to be. I lay back on the bed, looking at the wooden slabs that support the mattress above me.

     "Lilly, want to sit with me?" I hear suddenly, and I see Sarah with her ponytail and cropped sweatshirt.

     "You can take the window seat," I reply, putting on a fake smile, sitting up.

     She smiles and grabs her suitcase. I hope we grab some Starbucks on the bus ride. That isn't fast food. As long as I don't get coffee, I'm good. A pink drink is 140 calories. Sarah quickly claims the window seat and pulls out her computer from her backpack.

     "We're stopping at Starbies!" Ms. Abby announces as she and the producers are loading her into the bus.

     Even though I have a safe option, I still freeze in panic. I guess it's a natural reaction. I shake my head quickly to get out of the trance and redirect my brain to connecting my Airpods to Sarah's computer.

     "Movie?" she asks and I nod.

     "You pick," I tell her, slipping her an Airpod and she immediately goes to Netflix, picking out Stranger Than Fiction.

     The dude does the same thing every day. I wish I could eat the same thing every day, but with the varying calorie limits, I can't. I wish I could dance every day, but I could pull a muscle. I wish I could die, but I can't do that every day.

     Eventually, we pull up into the Starbucks drive-through, our coach bus barely making it through. All of the kids get pink drinks. I get the smallest size, a tall, which turns out to only be 110 calories. You're so disgusting for drinking this pink drink, Lilliana. You can't drink as much as the others. I don't have to worry about that. They get the 30-ounce ones, while Mom limits me to the small ones because I'm only ten. My appetite is gone when the urges course through me.