saudade | sebastian stan

6 | the talk

"i don't really know hailey." he replied.

"i don't either.." i said in response.

"look, i think that you and i both know that i still love you. how could i not after four years of being on and off with together? even after we broke up, there was no possible way i'd lose any feelings for you. i meant it then when i said you were it for me and clearly, i still mean it now." he told me shortly as he looked into my eyes.

"seb.. i still love you too, i'm sure you know that as well. we obviously broke up saying we'd get back together eventually when the time was right. i still haven't connected with anyone the way that i connected with you... you know after we broke up, i couldn't even talk to anyone because i was still in love with you." i replied as i started tearing up.

"so why did you break up with me hailey? even after all this time, i still don't know why. you never explained why." he asked as he wiped my tears.

"seb i didn't want to break up with you, please believe me! on top of our schedules getting increasingly busy, i started to feel more insecure about myself around you. you started getting even more popular and i felt like life was pulling us in different directions. on top of that, we had our age difference... i was 23 when we started dating and you were 33.. i was worried you'd get sick of being around someone so immature and you'd finally want to be with someone around your age. someone more grownup than me, a person who actually had their shit together. back then, that person definitely was not me." i told him honestly as i looked downwards.

i felt him lift my chin up, so that i could properly look at him.

"hailey, i told you when we met that age didn't mean shit to me. you understood me more than anyone ever has. regardless of your age, you acted so mature compared to literally anyone i've ever met. why didn't you talk to me about this back then? we could've worked it out, like we always do." he asked as he caressed my cheek.

"i was scared... i didn't want you to leave me, so i saved myself from the heartbreak and broke up with you on my own terms. i was still so immature back then and you were just so grownup. i never understood how someone like you could stay with someone like me. i didn't break up with you because i fell out of love with you, that could have never been the reason why.." i trailed off.

"and i never left because i fell in love with you the first day that i met you. this little blonde 5'5 girl happened to spill a drink on me at a nightclub and the rest was complete history. your clumsiness was what caught my eye. you didn't realize it was me because you were so busy trying to help me dry my shirt." he chuckled.

"i remember that.. crazy to believe that was over five years ago." i said as he nodded.

"i do understand why you broke up with me hailey. it sucks that was the reason why, but i understand. so i just wanna know, what are we now?" he repeated almost the same question i asked about 15 minutes ago.

"i think... i'm more grown up now. i'm 28 and you're 38?? we've come a long way throughout the course of our relationship.. i'm willing to give us another try if you'd be open to it.." i said as i smiled.

"i'm glad you say that because that was the longest year of my life being away from you." he said as he pulled me into his lap.