"Girls, there is a high chance that Lilly, GiaNina, and Sarah, our three non-soloists, won't be dancing. We're gonna focus on our two-three solos today. Hannah, Pressley, you hang back, girls, go, now," Ms. Abby says, and I freeze.
Not dancing? I blink a couple times before I run to my friends, the panic setting in. If I don't dance, how am I going to lose weight? My breath is starting to get cut short. This is punishment for being too fat, Lilliana. You need to lose weight, Lilliana. And you're ugly and worthless. You don't deserve to dance.
"Lilly, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth," Sarah tells me, but I can't.
"I can't. It's not working, I'm dying," I sputter out, panic settling in.
"Lilly, I'll get you a water bottle. Sarah, try to get her to breathe," GiaNina orders Sarah.
She puts a hand on my back, but I heavily flinch and curl up. Sarah looks at me as she draws her hand back, and then looks at the stairs, contemplating whether to get not to get my mother or not. Everything's blurry, and I'm dying. I feel like I'm dying. I snap my wrist on my hair tie. Everything is getting too stressful. You should just go with it and die. No one likes you anyway, Lilliana.
Sarah takes another look at me and waits until GiaNina gets a water bottle before climbing up the stairs. I want to take a drink, but I can't swallow the liquid. I spit it back into the plastic bottle. Mom comes down and sits down next to me. Sarah and GiaNina go to the other room.
"Lilly, you're okay. You're okay," Mom whispers to me, but it isn't any reassurance.
***elliana***
I'm getting texts left and right from Sarah and GiaNina. Do they want me to catch up on schoolwork?
GiGi: omg Lilly's having a panic attack
Sarah: yea and it was after Abby said she wasn't dancing cuz she didn't have a solo.
elli: that's her form of burning calories
Sarah: aight I'm not a skeptic anymore
elli: watch her for a couple more hours don't pester her about it and she loses her appetite for the entire day after a panic attack.
GiGi: got it probs will still check on her a bunch tho lol gtg
Sarah: ttyl
All the pieces are starting to fit in my mind. She has to have an eating disorder, and I'm pretty sure it's anorexia. But I can't be certain.
***lilly***
It takes half an hour for me to calm down. Mom gives me Venlafaxine. I hate this. I just want to leave this world behind so I won't have any more panic attacks over not being able to exercise today. It's awful. Pure awful.
"Go back to GiaNina and Sarah and do your schoolwork. Two days, remember? I'm going back up, sweetheart. Let me know if anything else happens, okay?" Mom pleads and I nod.
I timidly walk over to Studio C to do school and I silently sit next to Sarah with my laptop. I drink a bit of the water bottle and begin to work on my schoolwork. I have no idea what's going on with Pressley and Hannah.
After four hours of boring schoolwork, constant checkups from the two girls, and a lunch that I have no appetite for whatsoever, so I don't eat it, we have group dance practice. It's a hot mess to put it lightly. Such a hot mess, that the moms are called down.
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Fanfiction***MATURE WARNING*** "The hunger is good. You had too many calories already. You're already fat." "They'll love you even more when you're skinny. You'll be their perfect little angel when you're nice and pretty." "Lilly, I heard you puking up the c...
Week 7 Part 5 (Thursday)
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