Dearest Kit

Chapter Sixteen

   “Not too much, the usual, college, music,” he chuckled. “I haven’t seen you for ages, some people thought you’d be at Beth’s last Friday, I kind of hoped you would be, I’ve been getting Lana withdrawal.” 

   “Oh yeah!” I exclaimed, “I was going to but I was in London, couldn’t make it.”  

   “Of course,” Freddie laughed exuberantly, “little Miss Lana and Hollywood’s hottest.” 

   “You make it sound like such a publicity stunt,” I giggled. 

   “I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I hear he’s a really lovely guy.” 

   “He is,” I agreed. 

   “So, did you call just to have a little chat, because you missed your Freddie too much, or was there some ulterior motive?” He assumed, and in a way I wanted to prove him wrong and not mention the reason I’d rung. 

   “I have a question for you,” I started cautiously, “are you still in a band?” In my head I was saying ‘no’ over and over again, because Freddie would be the absolute perfect person to be in the band, especially if Jimmy was game for it. We all went so well together and I could imagine our voices blending wonderfully. 

   “I am indeed, why?” He queried. 

   “Well, I’m starting a band,” I let out a heavy sigh, waiting for his response anxiously. 

   “That’s amazing! You’re finally doing it?” 

   “Well, yeah,” I nodded, “because I might be getting more exposure and it seems like the perfect time to do it, before I go to university, sign my life away to academia.” 

   “Were you looking for a bassist then? Because if it’s just sessions in the studio I can do it, anything for you, my dear.” 

   “I don’t know,” I grimaced, “do you know anyone else who’s good?” 

   “Let me think, do you have anyone else?” 

   “Jimmy said he’d do it, or at least think about it.” 

   “Oh, I know, what about Patrick Simmonds?” Fred suggested, and my blood immediately ran cold. It was that feeling when your heart dropped right through your stomach, and ended up shriveled on the floor. I couldn’t really bring myself to speak, but I knew I had to, I knew I had to respond to him at some point. “Lana?” 

   “Patrick was my boyfriend, back in year eleven,” I started, my tone regretful. “He cheated on me with about half a dozen other girls, that I know of, the number of chicks he’s slept with since then can probably only be rivaled by the growing population of China,” I began to ramble and Dahlia nudged me, prompting me to shut up. 

   “No way! Man, I didn’t know!” He exclaimed, although his voice sounded apologetic, “I’m sorry I brought it up.” 

   “We were sixteen and I fell for him because he was in a band and the hottest boy who’d ever taken an interest in me,” I paused then and bit my lip troublesomely, “don’t worry about it, I’ve kind of made my peace with him.” 

   Once I had realized what an idiot I had been, I went to his house, told his mum I was meant to be meeting him there in a little while. I found his stashes of condoms, there were at least three separate hiding places, and stuffed them all into my bag, hoping that next time he had a girl in here he wouldn’t be able to fuck around with her like he had me. I didn’t mean just literally. 

   I proceeded to rummage through his desk drawer, using the key he kept under his bedside lamp, finding a small packet of weed and rollup papers and taking them in my hand. I left then, leaving the drugs on the table by the front door, where I knew Patrick’s mum would see them. I knew it was immature of me to do, but it made me feel better, about how things had ended; everyone has their own way of dealing with their pasts.