Your Once Upon a Time

Chapter 1

Women

In a country called Philippines, toxicity is very common that it is being normalized in many ways. An eavesdropper neighbor, judgemental society, making an entertainment out of people's lives, biased criticisms, many more.

All are just champagne problems, but affects everyone in many ways.

But if you'd ask me what I hate the most? I'd quickly say their prejudice against women.

Dapat ang babae, nasa bahay lang. Dapat ang babae, pagsilbihan lagi ang lalaki. Ang lalaki, kung matino ay kayang kaya magdala ng pariwarang babae, pero ang babae, kahit gaano katino ay mahahatak pababa ng pariwarang lalaki. Ang babae dapat maaga palang ay may namamatahan nang aasawahin dahil mahirap ang magisa.

Well guess what? Fuck it.

I hate how they make women so inferior. They describe women as people who must depend on men. Nakakaurat.

Kahit ang mismong pamilya ko ay halos ganoon rin ang paniniwala. Pigil na pigil akong sumagot dahil bukod sa bata pa ako, ay hindi rin naman sila makikinig. Sarado na masiyado ang isip ng mga matatanda patungkol diyan. Dahil ayon ang nakagisnan nila. Na mahihina ang mga babae.

That's why when I was ten, young but totally not naive, swore to myself that I'll grow up independently. I'll age alone, but not lonely. I'll show them how women can be successful without a help of a man. That women, have a league on their own. That not even the strongest male could compete.

But I had a problem. If I won't love a man, saan ko itutuon ang sarili ko?

Given that I should love myself, I know it isn't enough. I need a dream. An ambition that will make me strive alone. An ambition that I'll pour my all to.

I kept myself busy for two years, trying to exercise my skills to see where I excel the most.

I excelled at everything, it sucks. Nothing gives me thrill. A thrill that I'll love. Wala. Nagagawa ko lahat nang ayos una pa lang.

At the age of twelve, I was so frustrated because I don't have any dream. Hindi pa nakakatulong na sa tuwing nasa paaralan ay lagi iyang tinatanong. Lahat ng mga kaklase ko may sagot, ako lang ang wala.

Sabi ng teacher ko noon ay ipikit ko lang ang mata ko at isipin kung san ako magaling at masaya. Kapag ginawa ko naman, naiisip kong magaling ako sa lahat pero hindi masaya sa kung ano man.

Batang bata ako, pero ayun ang problema ko. While other kids my age are busy playing in the park and streets, I'm stuck in my room trying to squish my brain to think of a dream.

Sa taon din na iyon ay naisip kong bigo ako. Wala pa rin akong pangarap. At hindi ko parin masisiguro na kakayanin kong tatanda akong magisa.

At isa pa, nakilala ko siya.

On my first day of my last year in elementary,  I walked in the hallway of my new school.

We were from Batangas but my parents decided to move to Manila because my uncle died. He was the one in-charge for our winery company here in Manila. But then it happened so my father was forced to take over. It was a challenge, I know. Dahil mas sanay si papa sa pagiinvest lang. He's not used to handling a company. A world-class company at that.

At the age of 6, me and my brother were taught to act accordingly to our status in life. Elegant, prim, and screaming of power. We were taught to be humble in a way we can yield our power. That we don't need to brag our wealth because our presence will be the one to introduce us.

Kaya hindi na ako nagtaka nang halos maglingunan sa pagdating ko ang lahat. Dagdag mo pa ang tatlong bodyguard ko sa likod kahit na nasa hallway na ng paaralan.