Journey of the Heart (Camila/OC)

Chapter Twenty-Two

"No, it's okay. No need to rush today. I am sure I'll be able to catch another show when I'm not as busy. Besides, we're on tour with them after all. They knew I would busy with my own schedule so they'd understand if I miss a couple of their shows here and there," I concluded.

In truth, I just had the mindset that I didn't want to see Harry at the moment. In fact, I didn't want to see anyone at the moment because my mind was making me so confused, as well as my heart. I still couldn't get over the fact about the moment I had shared with Camila. I revealed to her my vulnerability and I hated myself for telling her that. It was simple words that carried such a heavy weight.

I couldn't face her. 

I couldn't face him. 

I couldn't face anyone. 

Not right now anyways.

"All right, well we can make it to their sound check if you want to hurry and get ready," he suggested which I turned down almost immediately. "All right then. Do you have anything else in mind until we have to head out to your first interview?"

I thought about his proposal and grinned over the idea that popped into my head.

"Oh great, what did I get myself into this time?" he groaned once it dawned on him that he gave me the power to decide on our day activity.

"We're going to Hell," I giggled.

We stumbled into the lobby of the hotel after being hounded by several paparazzi and fans. I was nearly out of breath, but not too painful, and Charlie was cursing profusely towards the rudeness of the paparazzi who were barging through the entrance only to be pushed right back out by the hotel security.

We took refuge at the closest couch in the lobby area.

"You need a better disguise, Alex," Charlie breathed once his anger had come down and his breathing was back to normal. He looked down at the bags that he was carrying to make sure we didn't lose anything on the way when we were bombarded by the group of people. "I still can't believe you wanted to go that flea market."

"Hey, Hell's Kitchen flea market is amazing," I exclaimed, proud at the items that I was able to find while searching through various vendors.

"Wow, now that is what I call a shopping spree."

We both turned towards the short haired woman standing before us, slighlty laughing at the outfit I had put on in hopes to blend in with the crowd of New York. I guess the I Love New York was kind of pushing it.

"Hello Sinu. And I didn't. She did. I am just the designated bag holder for the day," Charlie explained, emphasizing the fact as he lifted the bags that were tied around his arms.

"You shopped too. Don't deny it. You bought a couple jackets," I replied.

"Oh, what did you find? I always enjoy a good scavenge," Sinu awed as she stepped closer to examine the bags.

Charlie and Sinu seemed to have grown close over the last couple of weeks since my return to the hospital. I was still getting over the fact that she would visit me while I was in a coma. Which reminded me of something I had to do.

"Thank you," I blurted out of nowhere catching both Charlie and Sinu off guard since they were engrossed in a conversation beforehand.

"For what?" she replied.

"For watching over Charlie while I was in the hospital. He told me that you came to visit from time to time and would take over so that he would get some rest. Not a lot of people would care about it, but thank you. Charlie is like family to me and I'm happy to see that someone was taking care of him when I couldn't. So thank you. I never got a chance to say that," I rambled my explanation.

Charlie was in awe that I even expressed my gratitude towards an adult since I usually never did. Or at least never meant it. But this time I meant every single word.

"Oh," she waved off. "You don't have to thank me for that, sweetie." She absent mindedly placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, rubbing it up and down my arm in a soothing manner.

I felt myself leaning into her touch, warming to the feeling. Wanting more. I had to force myself to pull away when I felt myself getting too caught up in the moment.

"Uhm, here," I coughed grabbing the first thing that came into contact with my hand as I reached into a bag. I pushed the item towards her and looked away not knowing how to give tokens of gratitude properly.This was all new to me. I had people who did this for me. 

A silence came upon us as I continued to stare down at the ground. Soon it was too much to bare and I looked up to see Sinu grasping the raggedy doll tightly while her other hand was hiding her trembling lips. I didn't even know I bought that item but I guess I had since it was in the bag. 

"Sorry, I have other things you can have if you don't like it," I rushed out making a move to take away the doll from her but she immediately recoiled and brought the item closer to her chest as if to guard it from my prying hands. I stopped my motions. 

"No, I'm sorry," she started. "I, I love it. It's just," she paused to collect her thoughts and her breathing since she was almost close to tears. "This doll reminds me of my daughter. She used to have one just like this. She named it Izzy since she thought that Anne didn't suit the doll," she chuckled at the memory.

"I didn't know Camila-"

"Alex-"

"No, it's okay," Sinu interrupted Charlie who interrupted me. It took a moment for Sinu to collect herself fully before she brought her brown eyes up to meet mine. "It wasn't Camila who had this doll. It was my youngest daughter, Sofia."

Something inside me pushed me to ask, wanting to have the confirmation that I knew already. I couldn't control the words from spilling out of my mouth.

"Where is she?"

I saw Charlie cringe at my question and made a move to comfort Sinu who only held up her hand. She was trying to be strong. To put up a front for the pain that she was feeling inside having the memories being brought back to her. My guilt was telling me I screwed up but for my sanity I had to push it away. For the moment at least.

"Sofi passed a couple of months ago," Sinu confirmed my theory. I prayed that she didn't though because that meant that the beautiful sunshine I would see every time I closed my eyes was in fact with Tyler. Another angel taken away from us too soon and watching over us in the sky. 

"I'm so sorry," I relayed my sympathies. "I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's okay. I have come to terms with the loss of my daughter. She was able to live a beautiful and happy life. In the end, it was her decision," she explained, wiping away the excess tears that escaped her eyes. There was something more. I could tell but she looked at me with sympathy and something else before holding back. "Uhm, if you would excuse me," she said before sending us a smile right before she made her exit. 

Once she disappeared from her sight I was able to let the guilt take over. 

"Hey, don't beat yourself up," Charlie stressed to me noticing my slumped shoulder. "You didn't know." 

Boy was he wrong. 

A few moments later I retreated back to my room to collect myself and prepare for the hundreds of questions that were going to asked when I finally went to the interviews but in reality I was huddled up in the bathroom violently shaking against counter from the tears that couldn't stop flowing from my eyes. 

The confirmation that I wasn't going to see Sofi bounding towards me with her contagious smile in real life made me miss her now more than ever. Seeing her in my dreams were no longer enough. I wanted to feel her hugs. I wanted to hear her laugh. I wanted her to tell me what I was doing wrong in my life. 

I wanted her to be alive.