Hotchniss

Missing Declan

Emily POV

All the plans for the wedding were pretty much finished. I had my dress. We have the bridesmaids dresses. The wedding is going to be at Rossi's house. The food and music was ready. We set the date, so I would become Mrs. Hotchner in 2 weeks. I was already getting butterflies in my stomach. I started my cravings and I loved drinking cold Snapple and eating pickles. Aaron was the best guy in the world and I was lucky to have him.

So I was spending the night at Aaron's house and Jack, Aaron, and I were watching a movie on TV. Jack sat in between us and it felt nice. He was such an adorable little boy. I adored Jack.

"Daddy I'm hungry." Said Jack.

"Well what do you want to eat?" Asked Aaron

"Pizza!"

"Is Pizza good with you Em." Aaron asked me

"Pizza sounds great."

"OK. I'll be right back. You two stay here."

He grabbed his keys and walked out the door. Jack slowly got closer to me. I held him. It was like I was his real mom. I only felt like this once before and that was with Declan. Sometimes I thought about Declan and what he was doing. How his life was going. I really missed him. I tried to forget about it and we continued to watch the movie. I heard the lock in the key and I knew Aaron was home. The movie was over and Jack ran over to his dad. We ate and talked for a while.

"Well, I want to go wash off. I'm going to go take a shower. Have fun you two." Said Aaron.

I looked at Jack and smiled. Aaron got up and left. Jack and I picked up and threw out the trash. It started to get late.

Jack yawned. "Emily, I'm going to bed. I'm really tired."

"OK sweetheart. Goodnight."

"Night."

I sat on the couch and watched the news. Call it a "motherly-instinct" but I went to go check on Jack to make sure he was ok. I went to his room and he was asleep. He looked so peaceful. I gently gave him a kiss on his forehead. I smiled and looked at him, suddenly I felt a weight on my heart. And I felt tears stinging at my eyes. He reminded me of Declan. God how I missed Declan. I haven't seen Declan since the whole Ian thing. After Ian got shot, Declan was taken away to protective services and I haven't seen him since.

And it really sucked. I should have kept him safe. I should be the one taking care of him right now. He is my responsibility. I have no idea if he's ok. How he's doing at school. If he's making friends. If I couldn't even keep Declan safe, how can I take care of a child of my own. What if I'm not a good enough mom?

I slowly walked out of Jack's room and walked to the living room holding my stomach. I thought I was going to be sick. I had no idea when I would see Declan again, or if I'd ever see Declan again. Tears fell from my eyes. Will I be a good mother?
I heard the bathroom door open and I wiped away my tears. I brushed my hands against my legs.

"Hey, where's Jack?" Asked Aaron while giving me a kiss on my cheek.

"Oh he said he was tired. So he went to bed."

"Em, are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure. You look as if you had been crying."

"No, I just yawned."

"Emily."

Then like a gift sent from heaven my phone rang. I had never been happier to get called on a case.

"Prentiss." I answered.

"Hey Em, I'm really sorry to call you so late at night, but we have a case. I figured that you were with Hotch. So can you tell him."

"Yeah OK. Thanks Garcia. We'll be right there."

I looked at Aaron. "We got a case."

"You do realize you got saved by the bell."

"We should get going."

"Emily, I'm not finished speaking with you."

"But I am. I'll see you at the BAU."

I grabbed my bag and ran to my car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were all at the Bullpen when Aaron walked in. I tried not to look at him.

Hotch POV

What the hell was going on with Emily. She was fine before I left to go take a shower. What happened to make her so upset. Did Jack tell her something to upset her? God I hope not.

"OK Crime fighters, you guys are going to Chicago. 4 men were brutally beaten and murdered. And after killing each man he covered them with a bed sheet." Said Garcia

"So that says that he felt remorse after killing his victims. He couldn't bare the idea of looking at them after what he had done." Said Emily.

The team agreed with her.

"Well there's a reason he still chooses to kill them anyway. Wheels up in 30." I said.

"Emily my office please."

Emily followed me to my office.

"Aaron I said I didn't want to talk about it." Said Emily

"But I do. Did Jack tell you sonething that upset you?"

Emily POV

How could he have thought Jack told me something mean. Jack is the sweetest little boy ever.

"No."

"Then what is it."

"Nothing."

"Are you having second thoughts about marrying me?" He asked. Aaron looked hurt.

"No. God no. Aaron I love you. I want to marry you."

"Then what upset you?"

"What if I'm not a good mom?"

"What do you mean?"

"I started thinking about Declan. And I didn't take care of him. Now he's gone. What if I can't take care of my new baby."

"Sweetheart, you are amazing with kids. You will do an amazing job. I know it."

Aaron hugged me and held me close. I felt better telling him.

Hotch POV

I hated that Emily felt this way. We never really spoke of Declan, we only spoke about Ian. I had no idea how she felt. Maybe I could make it right. Maybe I could bring Declan to her.