Red vs blue (female OC) season 2

Me, myself and you

Church and Tex inside Caboose's head, with mental images of Caboose and Tucker

Caboose: I see, so you're from the outside. That's where the other is from as well.

Church: The other? Wait you mean O'Malley? Have you seen him?

Mental image of Church appears behind Caboose

Mental image of Church: Of course he's seen him, you idiot! You think Mister Caboose would miss something like that, you skeezy douche bag shit?!

Church: Alright, hold on a second. Who the hell are you?

Mental image of Church: My name is Church, butt wiping ass munch!

Church: (whispering to Tex) This guy is kind of an asshole.

Tex: Yeah, we've met.

Mental image of Church: And I'm Caboose's best friend, so don't get any ideas about kissing up, you lip licking shit suck!

Church: Okay, there's a lot of stuff in that sentence that I didn't like.

Tex: Just play along, Church. We're gonna need these guys if we're gonna find O'Malley.

Tucker: I'm gonna go look for girls and maybe that cherry red woman! (he leaves)

Church: Fine, whatever.

Caboose: If you want to find O'Malley, I suggest we talk to the reds first. He tried to recruit them against me early on.

Church: The reds? The reds are in here?

Cut to the real world. Grif, Thea and Donut next to the sideways jeep

Grif: Are you sure you left the part in there?

Donut: Hmm, think so. Wait, yes! No. Wait, wait wait wait. Mmmmmmmmm, I think so.

Thea: It's fine Donut, just take your time.

Grif: (sighs) Alright, lets retrace your steps. You said it was the Tuesday before Simmons and Sarge got blown up that you were last in the Warthog, right?

Donut: Right. I know it was Tuesday because that's the day I wash my underwear. And since I don't like letting my armor touch my bare skin, on account of I chafe real easily, I remember thinking "Where can I hang out with no pants on?"

Grif: Oh God!

Thea: Please tell me you didn't!?!?!

Cut to Lopez as well as Tucker driving Sheila heading towards the red base

Tucker: Okay well, looks like we're close enough. Now if I could just find the brakes on this thing. Ah, it must be this button.

Sheila: Do not touch that button.

Tucker: Oh, sorry. Hmm, maybe it's this one.

Sheila: Do not touch me.

Tucker: You know, for a girl your size, you're kinda sensitive.

Back to the reds

Grif: I cannot take anymore of this.

Thea: This is so disturbing!

Donut: So after I clipped my toenails, I was gonna apply the ointment as recommended. But I don't know, it just smelled really funny. So, I decided to taste it, just to make sure it was safe.

Thea: That's it! I'm putting a bullet in my head. (She runs off)

Grif: Take me with you! (Follows her)

Donut: Hey! I didn't finish retracing my steps yet. You don't even know what I did about the boil on my thigh.

Grif: (stops and looks off into the distance) Oh crap!

Thea: What's wrong?

Grif grabs her head and snapped it in the direction he was looking.

Thea: Oh, Karabast!

Pan to Lopez, Sheila and Tucker approaching'. Grif and Thea quickly takes cover behind the jeep

Donut: Hey you're back! So where was I? Oh yeah, I lanced it. Disgusting! (makes creeped out noises)

Grif: Not now, rookie! There's a giant tank out there that's about to steamroll right over us!

Thea: Yeah!

Donut: What?! (he hops up and down to see over the jeep and sees Sheila approaching) Oh God it's true! I'm totally freaking out! I'm freaking out! (he runs around in circles)

Thea: freaking out will only make it worse!

Cut to the blues approaching

Tucker: Oh my God. I can't believe Caboose is smart enough to drive this thing and I'm not! Sheila how the hell do I slow you down?

Sheila: Retard the throttle.

Tucker: What throttle? This throttle?

Sheila: Retard the controller.

Tucker: You mean this thing? What're you talking about, I'm so confused!

Sheila: The controller, retard!

Tucker: Hey that's kinda insulting. (Sheila repeats the word "retard" over and over as they approach Red base) Oh, come on. Now you're just being mean.

Sheila: ...retard.