'Di Madama

• Last Chapter (Part Two) •

Gusto ko man mapapikit sa sinabi niya, hindi ko magawa. Ayokong maputol ang tingin niya sa akin at tingin ko sa kanya. Ang tanging nararamdaman ko at naririnig ngayon ay ang tibok ng aking puso.

"You... are... drunk..." I whispered every word.

The side of his eyes crinkled. Gusto kong tingnan kung nakangiti na ba siya ngayon pero hindi ko magawa dahil ayokong maputol ang tinginan naming dalawa.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

Hindi ako sumagot.

"Anya, can I kiss you?" he asked again.

Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ako sa narinig ko.

"H-huh?" I asked as my heart continued to skip a beat.

"I won't kiss you if you don't want me to-"

I grabbed his face and smashed my lips into his.

And I swear to god, he tasted like heaven. He tasted like every good thing in the world. For the first time, the kiss of a man tasted sweet. It felt good. For the first time, I didn't feel disgusted with myself.

He kissed me slowly and passionately.

I have never gotten so lost in a kiss before.

His kisses felt like coming home.

We were both catching for our breaths when he broke the kiss. He rested his forehead against mine. "Is it good?"

Napatawa ako sa tanong niya bago ako tumango.

"Really good."

Then the next thing I knew we were on my grandfather's abandoned house.

On the floor.

Both topless.

Nasa ibabaw niya na ako ngayon.

"Do you really want to do this?" he asked.

Natigilan ako.

"I mean, I won't force you into something you don't want to do with me-"

"A-are you really asking me?" I asked back.

It was such a dumb question, asking me if I wanted to have sex with him, but it meant the whole world to me.

Nanatili lang siyang nakatingin sa akin. Nang nanatili kaming tahimik na dalawa, ini-angat niya ang kamay niya. He reached for my head and pulled it closer to him until I was on his chest.

I'm crying.

For the first time, I cried again.

He made me feel again that I once had feelings.

He only asked me if I wanted to do it with him, but that question made me feel valid.

Nadama ko ulit na tao ako.

Na karespe-respeto ako.

Na may halaga pa ako.

Na may magpapahalaga pa ng desisyon ko, ng mga sasabihin ko, ng nadadama ko.

When I was done crying, I held his face. I smiled at him. It was the first time again that my smile felt so real.

"I wish to still see you in the morning..." I said before our lips and skin touched for the second time around tonight.

* * *

Hindi ko alam pero kinakabahan ako ngayong hinihintay ko siya dito sa coffee shop. Ngayon na lang ulit kami magkikita matapos 'yung huling gabing nagkasama kami.