'Di Madama

• Last Chapter (Part Two) •

I looked up to stop the tears from falling.

"I should be happy..." I said. "I should be happy seeing the both of you together for the first time, but if you're only here to say things that I've already heard from everyone, then maybe you should both just go home to your own families... because that's where you both belong."

"Not as my mother. Not as my father. Not as my parents. You don't belong here... and please, for the sake of everyone, just forget you ever had a daughter. Forget you ever had me," I said before walking away from them.

* * *

I thought my life was back to normal. I moved to a new apartment and I never saw RR again after that night. Kahit na marami pa rin mga mata ang tumitingin sa akin at hinuhusgahan ako tuwing naglalakad o hindi kaya ay nasa room, okay lang. Nasanay na ako. Kung noon nasasaktan pa ako, ngayon wala na rin akong maramdaman.

Natigilan ako nang hilahin niya ako bigla sa isang sulok. Pauwi na sana ako ng bahay nang bigla na lang siya lumabas sa kung saan. Nawala na ang takot ko dahil akala ko hinding-hindi niya na ako pag-aakalaan pang lapitan ulit. Pero nagkakamali ako.

"Bitawan mo ako-"

Kaagad niyang tinakpan ang bibig ko.

"You really thought you could get away from me?" he asked. "You could never get away from me, Anya. You're mine. You're all mine. Do you understand that, Anya?"

Sa sobrang takot ko na saktan niya nanaman ako, tumango ako. Dahan-dahan ay lumuwag ang hawak niya sa akin at bigla niya akong niyakap nang mahigpit.

Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya. He kissed the side of my head. "You know I love you, right? I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just stressed and confused that you wanted to break up with me, so please don't ever do that again, okay?"

Nagsimulang pumatak ang mga luha ko sa takot.

He smiled at me before wiping my tears away and kissing my cheek. "Don't cry now, babe..." he said as if it was tears of joy.

I tried to smile at him. "I-I need to go home."

Kung kanina ay mukha na siyang 'yung RR kong nakilala, bumalik nanaman ang galit niya sa mata. His hands went down to my neck as he tried to choke me.

"If you ever tell anyone about me again, about us again, I swear those persons who you ask help for will be dead by morning, do you understand me?" he asked in a calm manner.

But even his voice couldn't calm me. I don't want any people getting involved here. This was my problem. This was my battle. No one should get in danger because of me. This was my fault to begin with.

Slowly, I nodded at him.

"Good," sabi niya bago ako binitawan. "I'll see you later."

Tuluyan lang akong nakahinga nang umalis na siya at iniwanan ako. Pinunasan ko kaagad ang mga pumatak na luha. I need to be strong. Ilang taon na lang naman siya sa college, kakayanin ko naman, hindi ba? Kakayanin ko.

Dalawang taon na lang.

Dalawa.

* * *

I closed my eyes and tried to think of the future, the one where I'm finally free of him, as he continued thrusting inside me.

After a few minutes, he laid beside me. That's all he wanted from me: sex and that's all he'll ever get from me. The first time we had sex again, all I did was cry, but he slapped me so hard to make me shut up; after that I never cried again. And I promised myself that I'll never cry again. Now, every time I have sex with him, I close my eyes and try to think of happy thoughts as if there were any.