Irreplaceable [h.s]

Chapter 37

I feel my face fall and my chest tighten at her words, the picture in my head of the two of them like that sending a sharp pang through my heart. "Did you want that?" I dare to ask.

She looks up at me from underneath her eyelashes, her eyes slightly glossy as she nods her head at me. I feel my heart drop as I lean back, processing her words. "I t-then turned around and kissed him." she breathes.

"You what?" I whisper shakily, barely even being able to believe the words that just fell off of her lips. It's not even like he kissed her. She kissed him. She wanted to kiss him.

"I-" she freezes, like her words get caught in her throat as she stares directly at me. "I k-kissed him and then we went back to his because I felt guilty and my head started to spin and I needed to sober up."

I knit my eyebrows further. "Why didn't you come here?"

"Because I felt guilty and I didn't want to see you after that, because a part of me knew it was wrong. B-but the other part of me, didn't want to feel that way. Didn't want to feel guilty." she admits lowly. "I wanted to feel free. I w-wanted to do what I wanted to do without thinking of the consequences and that was selfish." she adds firmly.

I keep my mouth closed as I look at her, letting her words sink in, not even knowing how I would respond. "When I went to his house..." her voice slowly fades out as she looks down at the couch, her face scrunching up in shame. "He asked me what I wanted and I told him."

"What did you tell him?" I murmur, my heart feeling like it's slowly being squeezed in my chest.

"Harry please-"

"What did you tell him, Leah? Tell me." I speak more sternly and sharply than I anticipated but not with anger, with hurt.

Complete and utter hurt and betrayal.

I see her taken back by my tone of voice before her shoulders and face fall. "I told him that I wanted him to make me feel good." she informs me so quietly that I think I dreamt the words. That all of this was just some awful nightmare.

God how I wish it was.

"And did he?" I question her weakly, the words slipping out before I can stop myself, realizing I really don't want the answer to it. "Did you let him? Tell me what happened."

"Harry you don't-"

"No. I have every right to ask questions about what you did with him, the person you know I hate the most. I have every right to ask questions about how you betrayed me." my voice breaks at the end, tears brimming my eyes, threatening to fall. "What did you two do?"

"We had sex."

And with those words, I feel my chest cave in, making me bite down on my bottom lip, trying to hold back the cry that wants to escape. I then feel tears fall down onto my cheeks, making me shake my head as he three words repeat over and over in my head like a taunting echo that sends shards into my heart.

If only I knew that this would be worse than I thought.

All of the possibilities running through my head did not compare to this. Not once did my mind go there. Not once because I never thought she would do this. To me. To us. I foolishly thought there for a moment that things were getting better- that we were getting better. I thought that the idea of us was beginning to mean something to her again.

That I was beginning to mean something to her again.

What a painful thought. If I meant something to her, anything at all, I don't understand how she could have done that, knowing how I would feel. She had to have known it would crush me and if she didn't, she'd be blind to her own selfishness and if she did, then she'd just be cruel. I don't know which one hurts more to think about.