If Not for You (Completed)

PART 1

She rolled her eyes, but didn't disagree, and at last, relented on a sigh, knowing I'd have to deal with it whether she walked me or not. Not like she could go to class with me or sit with me at lunch. What would a few more bruises matter in the long run anyway? As bad as things were, I had to believe that they would be better one day. It was the only way to keep myself marginally optimistic about my plight in life.

"I hate the way they bully you." Meg grumbled, her arms crossed.

I inwardly grimaced. I hated the word "bully". It was such a juvenile, grade-school term for something that didn't in any way describe what they did to me. I wasn't bullied. I was tortured. But the term remained nonetheless, so I shrugged.

"It'll be over in a handful of months."

"Well, if I see so much as a papercut when you get home, I'm gonna show up there tomorrow and piss on all their faces."

"That's gross, Meg." I said though I couldn't help but smile at the mental image.

Brad, Cody, Lisa, and Kazzi had made my life a living hell for almost two years. Something about me just screamed 'freak show' to them, making me a worthy target for their games. It started with light taunts and name-calling, then proceeded to shoving me and ripping up my homework, leaving mocking notes on my locker. That was "bullying".

Ever since I'd hit my mid-sophomore growth spurt though, things had rapidly progressed. Especially when they realized that regardless of the fact that I was bigger than them, I wouldn't fight back. Now a senior, I was their regular chew toy, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it but take it like a man.

Or a coward...

So, I would walk to school despite the trepidation, despite the vomit, and the fact that I was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, which I knew they would notice. They always did. I would take my beatings, keep my head down, and proceed through the day as normal, counting the weeks till graduation. It was all I could do. Because the tempting thoughts of suicide that otherwise ran through my head caused me more fear than they did, and I didn't have it in me.

Not yet anyway.

Snow crunched beneath my shoes as I walked down the sidewalk, and I shivered as the wind slithered through the holes in my jeans. The sky threatened another winter storm, which would make for some long, cold nights, upcoming. Meg and I would be scrounging for days to find things to burn and feed the fire. I'd have to make a run to the woods and hope for some dry branches.

I bunched my jacket around me as the wind picked up and bristled against the gust that accompanied a car speeding past me on the left.

I lived four miles away from the school. It was far enough to fall within the brackets of a bus rider, but school busses didn't pick up kids like me, who, for the most part, lived under the radar. It made a long walk every morning and afternoon, which did nothing for my thin physique and back that always ached, but in some cases, it was better, too. Further away, meant less likely to be found by my "friends".

Having them come and terrorize the place I lived was the last thing I, or any of my roommates, needed and I would not be responsible for leading them back where my real friends could be hurt.

At the first intersection, I made a right and passed through eight stop lights before entering the corner store a half-mile from the school. The air inside was warm and smelled like boiled peanuts and incense, the jingle bells on the door banging as it swung shut behind me. There were no other customers inside, but that wasn't unusual so early in the morning when the sun had just barely risen. Passing down the left aisle, I pulled a water bottle from the cooler at the end, then started toward the register, pausing halfway to fix an askew display of candy bars on a rack.