Nothing can be promised

Chapter 11

It took me five hours to get to the hospital. I made only two stops. One for gas and other for food. I cried almost the whole time. I wanted to call Greyson and tell him how much I love him and that I didn't want to hurt him but I felt it wasn't time. I decided to call him after I saw Zachary. I didn't know where I was staying or what I was doing. I just knew I needed to see him.

Why did I care? Did I really still love him? I really didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I wanted to see him. I ran through every situation through my head on the way there. Would Greyson leave me now that I've left him standing there? How mad was he? Is he going to call me?"

When I parked Penny in the parking lot I sat there staring at the hospital doors for hours. I needed to figure out what I would say. If i didnt i meant scream at him or worse just cry the whole time. I took a drink of my coffee. I had to stay awake. I hadn't slept since seven yesterday morning and it's still morning. I tried really hard to collect my thoughts. Then I realized I just need to get it done. Just go into the hospital and ask to speak to him.

I get out of Penny and head to the doors I had been watching. The lady at the front desk was young and was chewing her gum too loud. She told me his wing and that he was able to have one visitor. She said it's nice to know someone was there to visit him. No one asked about him.

Walking the long hall that smells horrible was hard. I saw nurses rushing around and doctors telling them what medicine to use. Then I saw his room number two hundred fifty seven. I stood there looking at the door knob and wondered again should I just walk away now. He wouldn't ever know I was here. Instead I turned the silver knob and walked into the cold dark room. I see him lying in bed asleep. He had iv's and cords all over the place and it was hard to look at. I stood there and it felt like a week watching him breathe. He cut his hair sense I saw him last and shaved. He was back to looking like my Zachary. He was looking so thin. I saw him breathing. It seemed like he was struggling. Then I saw him turn his head.

"Hi Brooklyn" he says "Why are you here?"

"The nurse called me. You didn't sign the paperwork and I'm still your wife." I explain

"Oh, is Greyson here?" he asked

"No, just me." i said

"Well it's good to see you. There is some things we need to talk about." he tells me

"Yeah I would say." i say. I walk over and open the windows up and it rushes light in. I turn around and look at Zachary. His face is thin and yellow. His eyes are yellow too. I instantly feel horrible. I pull the chair over and sit down next to his bed. "Why Zach?"

"Well, I just went down hill so fast. I knew something was wrong but when I went through withdrawal they told me it was dying. They did tests and found out my organs were shutting down and that my liver has been bad for so long it was done." explaining this he was in so much pain. He holds his chest like he couldn't catch his breath.

"How long have you known?" i ask

"Well I went to that game with Paul, remember?" I shake my head. "I came back and told myself I would stop drinking but after five hours, I was a mess. I couldn't do it."

"I wasn't worth it?" i ask him

"Brooklyn, I wasn't worth it let alone you." he admits

"I didn't care anymore it hurt too much. When you asked me if we should try for kids. All thought was I would ever see them grow up. I didn't want to do that to them or you. So I stayed away and ignored you. I love you Brooklyn. I couldn't stand seeing you hurt or sad. Everytime you looked at me it was like you hated me. It got harder and harder everyday." he spilled the truth so easily.