Love, Ross // r.s.l.

Nineteen

"Hello" I gave Rydel a hug as I walked in. "Riker told me to come over?"

"Yeah, we have something to show you" she smiled. "Follow me"

We began up the stairs and walking towards Ross' room, and that was when I hesitated and actually tripped over my own feet.

"You good?" Rydel asked as I stood up. I stared at the door and nodded. "Sure?"

"Yeah" I nodded. She smiled and pushed open his door.

Already, the rest of the family but the parents were there so I did a quick round of hugs and sat between Harmony and Ryland.

From the last time I was here, not much has changed. The walls were still a pretty baby blue but new was the projector on the wall.

"Lights off!" Riker called and Rocky dashed to turn the lights off.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"I was going through Ross' camera and he left me a video telling me to- just watch it" she smiled and pressed play on her laptop which was hooked up the projector.

Ross flashed up on the screen. "Is this damn thing even on- oh shit- yeah it's on"

I think everyone sneaked a giggle at his dumb moment. He waved at the camera. "Hi, err, I suppose you will be really confused watching this but I will explain before we get to the good stuff"

I sat up and focused on him.

"Truth being truth, I already knew I was going to die. Probably from the day that all those shenanigans happened, whatever but something else came up. Something that only Rydel, Mom and Riker know."

"Not long ago, I went to a full body scan at the hospital and recently got the results. It seems like I have lung cancer and there is no possible way of avoiding it so one way or the other, I'm going to die soon which explains the Do Not Rescuscitate"

It was like a stab in the leg. That explains the countless times he would smoke and just stare into the distance, almost forgetting I was around. He knew all this time.

"On the day I got these news, I planned what I wanted to do before I died. So I planned a road trip with Amelia- if by the time you're watching this we aren't together- I have loved you this whole time, and luckily you accepted" he grinned proudly. "Its literally been 10 minutes since you agreed and I'm packed up already. I can't tell what the future holds for us or any of us but I know it will be bright with or without me because I love you all to pieces"

The tears were difficult to avoid.

"And to my favourite curly haired blonde- You and Me" he smiled and I couldn't help but smile also. "Now enjoy the goofy moments I have recorded throughout this road trip; hence why I haven't let go of my camera for so long. See you later! Love, Ross"

The image then flicked to the first clip we recorded on the day we left.

"Why is he so red?" Harmony asked.

"My face fell on his dick when I got in the car" I explained and everyone burst into fits of laughter.

"Bet you were thrilled about that, Lia" Ellington winked and I threw my shoe back at him with a smile.

More moments flashed on the screen and his happiness radiated to us even when I was pissed off half of the time. The moments with Anna, Tiegan and Connor were all explained by me. Together, we laughed and cried but mostly got a more positive memory of him.

"I love you" it was the very last time he ever recorded me but I took the camera and turned it to him. "Oi you"

"I love you too" I said to him. "You and me?"

"Of course, you and me" he smiled happily at the camera and the screen faded black.

All around you could hear sobbing.

"Oh Jesus Christ I love him" I sighed and everybody laughed.

Eventually we scattered around his room, just hanging around. I was sat on his window seat when Rydel walked to me with a notebook.

"He wanted me to give you these" she handed me the notebook first. "I read the first page, it's adorable little notes to you"

I smiled. "That's so cute"

"And he deliberately left this at home before you left for the road trip" she handed me a lighter. On its side it said, 'Light me when you're in the dark - Ross'.

"Rydel?"

"Hmm?"

"At this rate, I will not have anymore water in my body"

She giggled and gave me a hug. "I'll leave you be now"

I held his notebook in my hands; my fingers tracing the spirals on it. Today, or tomorrow, I had no intention of smoking but I placed the lighter in my bag followed by the notebook.

Because you'll never know who will be there to light the way. And that shall be the beauty of life, something that is experienced whether alive or dead.

And if that isn't simply beautiful for you, get out of here.