you were everything

I 14 I

'Ya know- you could've helped a bit,' Five complains, speeding down the street towards the academy. 'With your powers.'

I tap my chin. 'Yeah, but it was much more fun to watch that whole thing play out.'

'You're so insufferable!' Five remarks.

'So they tell me, darling.'

I open the door with a short wave of my hand, heading in the direction of Five's room.

'How did you know where my room is?' Five asks, despite himself.

'Dad showed me a map.'

He scoffs.

'Y/n!' A cheerful voice exclaims from behind me. 'Oh my god I thought you two had eloped.'

And there's Klaus, holding up a bottle of wine. He takes a hearty swig, slamming the bottle down on the ground.

'Hey Klaus,' I say, ignoring the whole 'eloped' thing.

'Actually, you're just the person I wanted to see,' Five says with a curious expression. Curious-as in I can't read it-not Five is actually curious. How could he be? He knows everything. Keynote, sarcasm.

'You don't know how much it warms my heart to hear that,' Klaus says dramatically, placing his hands on his chest. 'What do you need me for? Love advice?' He shoots the quickest of glances at me.

Five wrinkles his nose. 'No. Of course not. I need you to pretend to be my Dad.'

'Why?'

'Don't ask questions.'

'Fine, but I expect to be paid in full.' Klaus tosses his head back. 'Living a life this elegant is not cheap.'

'Elegant as in...drugs and booze?' I ask sarcastically.

Klaus points a finger at me. 'See? She gets me.'

'Alright. Alright,' Five says. 'Go put on something nice.'

And with that, Klaus prances away.

He returns in the ugliest outfit I've ever seen, but before Five can say a word-Vanya's voice sounds from in the hallway.

'Shit,' Five whispers. 'Get in the cupboard.'

No complaints, Klaus just steps into the cupboard and closes the door.

'Five? Y/n?' She knocks gently on the door. 'Are you in there?'

'Go along with it,' Five hisses at me. 

'Go along with what?' 

He sighs quietly, rolling his eyes. 

With a moment's hesitation he grabs me around the waist, backing me up towards the bed. Before I know what's happening, his lips are on mine.

'Oh my god,' Vanya exclaims, and there's a thump. When I surface, gasping for breath, her hand is covering her eyes. 'I'm so sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were both okay but-' She gives a short awkward laugh. 'Looks like you're just fine. I'll um-go now.'

She waves, running away as fast as possible.

'What in the glorious hell was that?' I growl, once Vanya's out of earshot. Five looks slightly disheveled, but he has the nerve to smirk at me as he rolls over me to the other side of the bed.

He shrugs.

'Cover story.'

'Oh you little-'

'Bravo,' Klaus claps. 'That was wonderful! From what I heard-you two really have chemistry!'

'Shut up,' Five and I say at the same time.

Klaus laughs loudly. 'I'm moist.'

'I thought I told you to put on something professional,' Five mutters, looking Klaus up and down.

'This is my nicest outfit,' Klaus pouts.

'We'll raid the old man's closet,' Five sighs.

'As long as I get paid,' He says.

'I'll give you half now,' I pull out several hundred bills.

'Where'd you get all of that?' Five looks incredulous.

'Stole it,' I say casually.

'I love her even more,' Klaus kisses the two hundred dollars I just handed him.

'That's a lot,' Five rolls his eyes. 'I was just gonna give him twenty.'

I shrug. 'That's why I'm better than you, darling.'

'Okay, but just so we're clear on the finer details,' Klaus interrupts. 'I have to go in there and pretend to be your dear old dad, correct? And who's she?' He asks. 'Your girlfriend.'

'I guess so.' Five says without looking at me.

The nerve-

'But what's our real cover story?'

'What are you talking about?'

'I mean, was I really young when I had you? Like 16?' Klaus inhales dramatically. 'Like, young and...terribly misguided?'

I laugh. 'Sure.'

'And your mother-that slut!' He cries with relish. 'Whoever she is. We met at..the disco,' Klaus gives a fond expression. 'Okay? Remember that.' He snaps his fingers. 'Oh my god the sex was amazing.'

'What a disturbing glance into that thing you call a brain,' Five says sarcastically.

'Don't make me put you in time out!'