Altschmerz

Seven: Daddy Issues

2019

Dunhill kimino shirt, black Balmain trousers, Prada on his feet, Rolex Submariner on his wrist, few million dollars in his pocket; Bang Yongguk checked his reflection for one last time in the mirror before he head out of his enormous walk in closet, flicking away the joint he'd been smoking.

He made his way out of his room, all the way to the Luis XVI carved wooden imperial staircase leading to the golden living room. Prada clacking against the marble, he was heading to the main door when his peripheral vision picked up something. He paused in his track and threw a lazy glance across the room where he noticed the door to his father's study room was ajar.

As a kid, he was never allowed to enter the study and he'd often think something big and exciting was taking place inside. Later, he got to know the kinds of ugly shit his father had orchestrated inside those four walls. After his death, Yongguk made sure that the godforsaken room was sealed shut for good.

An unpleasant memory played in his head.

He decided to look away when he saw something or someone move around in there. Curiosity got the best of him and he took slow, careful steps towards the study.

He was peeking through the door, scanning the large room. Nothing moved. Everything stood eerily still and quiet.

His gaze shifted to the white leather chair behind the large mahogany desk. Once there sat the most narcissistic religious fucker who fucked up the entire nation with his pure evil. Yongguk seethed at the sight. He remembers the day when his father was away, he slid into this very room and engraved his initals over one of the desk legs. His father never found out about it and the seven year old felt proud about fucking up one of his arrogant father's prized possessions right under his nose. It was a secret he decided to take with him to his grave.

He chuckled at the thought.

The air inside the room was chilly. Something seemed unsettling but Yongguk decided to walk away when suddenly a large leather journal fell down from one of the the shelves behind the desk, startling him.

His mind took a few moments to register what just happened before his eyes.

'Warner'; That was then only word written on the cover.

He wanted to go inside on an impulse to feed his curiosity but there was something stopping him. Yes, his father was dead but he could still feel his strong presence in there. A familiar feeling loomed over him, churning his stomach. It was fear. It still felt like he was trespassing a forbidden territory. He tighten his jaw hating himself for fearing a dead man.

Or was it the feeling of self disgust whenever he was in his father's presence because of his rejection of Yongguk's sexuality? More like his existence...

He had been standing in the door frame for a while now, debating his feelings and now he could feel anger boiling up inside him. He shook the thoughts away for once and, with his heart still pounding, he decides to take a careful step inside the godforsaken room when a warm hand taps his shoulder. He jumps a little and pivots on his heel only to see Yeontan, his old Butler.

"Are you alright, sir?"

Yongguk remembers to breathe. Why was he holding his breath anyway? Who was he expecting? It's not like he was doing anything wrong. Then why did he feel like he got caught doing something illegal?

Yongguk's eyes darts back at the turkish rug where the journal had knocked down earlier but in was no where in sight. He throws a glance at the book shelf and to his horror, it was in fact sitting quietly between the other neatly stacked journals over the shelf.