Citrus Boy & Lemon Boy~

17.

Huge TW's: Cutting, Suicide thoughts, thoughts of harming,Blood, HEAVY topics,etc. ((This is a very VERY heavy chapter.))
Remember all of you are so valid and loved. <3

Also I know this is a story but please refrain from making jokes on this chapter. Again it deals with heavy topics and I don't want people feeling like their invalid or something like that. Thank you for understanding.

Sal's POV

I'm so tired of feeling like a burden. I miss my mom and dad so much. Hell I'm probably making Travis's life worse with how dramatic I've been acting.

Maybe if I was dead I would finally free myself and everyone else.

I know these thought's are wrong but I can't feel like anything else but trapped...

Trapped deep within my mind with the flooding memories and thought's.

...

Oh how I yearn just to talk to my younger self even if it were for 5 minutes. I would say so much but yet it would sound so little...

Maybe I would be able to fix thing's, perhaps I could live easier and happier.

Although that's not how this game of life works.

Instead it work's in wrong mysterious way's...

I keep looking toward's my bedside table. I know what I have hidden in there.

A blade...The very same blade I use to use every night when I was younger.

The blade that gave me comfort and some sort of feel. Maybe it was a wrong first direction but I couldn't stop myself.

it was a toxic addiction, but it felt so good.

Why did it feel good when the metallic metal collided with my skin and seep into it.

Why did it feel good when I did it so many time's that I got use to the sharp pain.

I opened my bedside drawer and took the blade from its place.

Then I remembered where I sat.

Our bed...

The place where many memories have been made.

Some sad, some sexual, some happy...

I couldn't do it.

I can't bare thinking about the pain it would cause him if I were to do it here.

I quietly excited to the bathroom.

I closed the door and locked it.

I looked into the mirror.

For some reason I didn't see older me, I saw a small version of me. the version that was hurt at such a young age. The version that developed mental problems that no child that young should have gone through.

As the world adjusted, It blurred back to me. The present me, the me who was about to end it all...

"I'm so sorry little one..."

I rolled up my sleeve.

I could still see past scar's.

I took the blade and pressed it against my tainted skin.

One cut, two cut, three...and so on.

I squeezed my eyes shut and kept going until I thought it was enough.

I then lowered it into my wrist.

...

I did it.

My vision started to blur and I fell.

I heard the small clanking of the blade when it landed.

1...

2...

3...

Black.

That's all I saw...

Black, a endless void.

There was nothing.

I felt like screaming, crying, anything but it didn't allow me.

"Sal! I'm back"

Footsteps...

"Sal?"

More footsteps...

Soon I heard the doorknob but nothing came in.

A short silence, then I could hear keys.

That's when I saw light. The void was gone.

"SAL!"

Sal?

Oh that's right...

I'm Sal.

I'm loosing myself and conscious.

I blacked out again.

I didn't want to be back in the darkness.

I don't like the darkness...it scare's me.

I feel alone in the darkness.

Light.

It was here again...

"Larry there's no time meet me at the nockfell hospital right now."

Travis...

"Sal he-"

They know now...

"Alright see you there but please hurry."

It wasn't long until the darkness came back again.

Damn it...why does it always come back to me.

I think I was officially lost now...

Lost here in the void...with complete silence.

Wait...

Perhaps maybe not...

I opened my eyes a bit and could see large lights on the ceiling.

I was laying down and being rushed somewhere...

Now I understand where I was.

The hospital.

I could see people above me. They were speaking fast and frantic.

That's when I lost consciousness again...

———Author note———

Hey everyone, I know this was a heavy chapter.

I want you all to know your loved and cared about and suicide is never the answer. Also all your feelings are so valid. I'm so sorry to anyone who's going through a hard time right now but I promise thing's really do get better.

I love you all and thank you so much for the support.

Suicide hotline: 800-273-8255
———————————————————————————