Goodbye My Almost Lover

Digest

So, I know that my little diary doesn't make much sense...the poems are vague and all over the place—much like my head the whole time I wrote these. So I want to give a little clarity to the story you just read.

The day I turned 18 (2014) I met my very first boyfriend. He became my first love—okay he's still been my only love. We dated for two years then as all high school relationships do, we broke up. Now he moved on INSANELY fast. Now with new girl #1, they had an open relationship, so he and I were very much not over. Little did I know, she was a lesbian and he was the only exception. Later down the road when she tried to befriend me, I also found out she had a crush on me too and wanted me to join as their third person. I had to decline, simple not my jam.

He and I didn't speak for another year until they broke up and then we got back together and everything was good, except my parents really don't like him so I had commitment issues and struggled to bring him around my parents. That's when he met new girl #2 and her parents loved him. Things moved in extreme parallel as she was also a lesbian and he was her only exception. She tried to befriend me, which we were for a little while, until she told me that she had a crush on me and wanted me to join as their third person. Again I had to decline.

After that I had a gut feeling they were going to get married—I have an unusually accurate sense of things like that when I meet people and I have yet to be wrong.

Fast forward through a year of silence and he reaches out to me to tell me he's unhappy with me not being in his life. Thinking they broke up, we started again. only to find out later that it was just an open relationship still with girl #2. Now in September of 2020, he told me he was ready to leave her because he was ready to marry me, but I couldn't possibly marry someone who would say that while still in a relationship with someone else (regardless of if it were an open relationship or not) not to mention that he picked someone over me...I'm no one's second choice. He said he'd marry me as long as I didn't leave Ohio. So I moved to Virginia Beach at the start of 2021.

Fast forward to memorial day, 2021—he proposed to her.

so here is me, saying goodbye for good.

Hi, I'm Sam.

I've been in love with the same boy since I was 18. I am 26 years old. I like art and I enjoy writing—even if I'm not very good at it. I secretly like to make new friends and go out and be social. I've been under a pretty dark cloud with this for a while, but for the first time in 6 years, my heart finally feels free.