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Haven.
Finally I'm done with my morning classes. Puwede na akong lumabas para kumain. I need to text Lauren para sabay na kaming pumunta ng Inasal.
Wait, I'm supposed to meet him today.
I packed up my things at agad akong lumabas ng school. Sumakay ako ng jeep para less gastos but I realized na magkatapat lang ang Inasal at King Bean. Sana pala sumabay nalang ako sa tropa.
Pagbaba ko ng sinasakyan kong jeep ay nakita ko siyang papasok ng King Bean. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na sundan siya, he was just about to sit down when I attempt to scare him.
"Hello!"
"Putangina—Haven?"
"Minura mo pa ako."
"Ginulat mo ako. Kanina ka pa ba dito?"
"No, I just arrived. Order na tayo?"
"Sure! We can talk while waiting for our food."
Tumango naman siya kaya pumunta kami ng counter. I just ordered a buttered muffin kasi hindi naman pagkain ang pinunta ko dito.
"Ba't 'yan lang ang inorder mo?"
"Pupuntahan ko pa kasi sila Zach sa Inasal."
"Kamusta na pala kayo ni Zach?"
"Ano? Okay lang naman kami."
"I mean, never ka niyang niligawan?"
"No, I didn't allow him. Ayoko namang paasahin 'yun while I'm on the process of healing. It will be unfair to his side."
"But do you have feelings for him?"
Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Ba't ganyan agad ang tinanong niya? Hindi ko tuloy alam ang sasabihin ko.
"We should head back to our table before you answer my question."
Napatango ako nang wala sa oras kaya bumalik kami sa'ming table.
"So, are probably in love with your bestfriend?"
I avoided his gaze. Anong isasagot ko dito?
"Silence means 'yes', right?"
Shit.
"Haven, we've been in a relationship but I can always see that the way you look at Zachary is just different."
"Carson."
"I think that's the reason why I'm insecure of myself. Knowing my girl was not looking at me the same way I'm looking at her."
Those eyes.
"And instead of loving you and proving myself that I'm better than your bestfriend, I fucked up our relationship."
With those brown guilty eyes, I suddenly remembered those little white lies. Fuck.
"I dated a few girls, even fuck them without you knowing and I'm really guilty for that."
That's what Zach has been trying to tell me.
But hearing this from Carson, I should be hurt.
"You asked me so many times yet I denied. Honestly, I did lie because I don't want to hurt you."
"But you did."
You betrayed me, cheated on me.
But I'm feeling nothing.
"Well, I know and I'm really sorry."
"You've been sorry for several times already. Hindi ka ba nakakasawa?"
Nagsawa nga siya sa'kin 'eh.
"Sorry."
"Carson, I'm not mad at you anymore. In fact, I'm very thankful because you bravely talked to me clear things. You've learned from all the things you did and that's what matters."
He was just looking at me, so I continued.
"I realized a lot of things from our relationship and I can say that I'm ready to let go once I got to talk to you. Because after all, that's what we both need-closure."
He smiled sadly, that was the time I held his hand.
"Don't worry, I forgave you already. All we have to do is to heal and grow separately and I hope that you'll find that girl who will love and stay with you at your worst."
I smiled with assurance that he can do it, I'm sure he will.
"Thank you, Haven."
"You don't need to thank me, I still care for you."
