The Bucket List (A REVERSE HAREM ROMANCE)

56. ALBANY

"Katline and I were born a few weeks apart. Our parents were somewhat friends so we grew up together. " He sighed. "It was expected of us to marry one day."

"You were okay with that?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "I didn't really care. We were comfortable and we loved each other. Katline and I got married soon after we graduated from high school."

"H-how old were you?"

"I was nineteen and Kat was eighteen. We went to the same college, lived together. We did everything kids our age would do but the only difference was the fact that we were married."

I walked over and took a seat on the bed next to him. My eyes dropped to my lap. He had to have loved her very much to agree to marry so young. I wasn't sure what to feel. I had asked him about it but I kind of regretted it at the moment. I didn't want to hear how much he loved her.

Does he still love her?

"Once we got our degrees, brought a home and found jobs, we agreed that it was the perfect time to start a family." He was silent for a while before he continued. "Kat struggled to fall pregnant. We saw doctors but they couldn't tell us what the problem was until they finally turned to me."

"And?" I questioned when he fell silent again.

"And we found out that I'm infertile. I can't have kids, Al."

I swallowed. "So she left you?"

"Yeah. She wanted a divorce and I gave it to her."

"If she left you because you can't give her children then she never really loved you."

A bitter laugh fell from Severide's lips as he turned to face me.

"I can't give you kids, Al. Would you still want a future with me knowing that I can't give you a family?"

"Yes," I answered without hesitation. "I still want a future with you knowing that you can't give me a family."

He stared at me, eyes darting over my face as if he was searching for something. He must've found whatever he was looking for because in the next instant he had closed the space between us and was kissing me senseless.

Severide cupped my cheeks and frowned at me. "You can't mean it," he whispered. "You can't be okay with that."

Smiling, I placed my hands over his. Instead of answering him, I leaned forward and poured everything I felt into the kiss. Severide's hands slowly slid up my thighs, sliding my dress up with the movement. I broke the kiss and placed my hands on top of his to stop him.

"Severide," I muttered, as I pressed my forehead against his. "I-I. . ."

I trailed off and shook my head. How was I supposed to say what I wanted too if I felt like bursting out into tears? I swallowed and blinked rapidly but it did nothing to stop the burn of tears. A sob lodged in my throat.

A few more swallows and I finally managed to find my voice. "Steven told me that you were the perfect man to share my deepest darkest secret with."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "When Crystal wrote that onto the bucket list. . . I've never thought of it you know? We all have secrets but the deepest darkest secret? That's not something many people think about."

Severide reached up and moved stands of hair from my face. His eyes flicked between mine but he remained silent.

"I'm scared of dying alone," I whispered, "but I'm more afraid of having to choose one of you to spend the rest of my life with."

A tear rolled down my cheek but was caught by his thumb. It only made more fall. Licking my lips, I squeezed my eyes closed for a few seconds before I opened them to look at him again.

"We. . . I think we jumped into this too soon."

"Albany—"

"I think we should take a break."

"You and me or. . ."

"All of us," I whispered.

Severide sighed and lowered his head to drop his forehead to my shoulder. His arms slid around my waist to hug me tightly. I allowed to sob to escape as I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tightly. For a few minutes we stayed like that. Sitting up, I sniffed and wiped my cheeks.

Severide gave me a small smile. "There's nothing that's going to make you change your mind is there?"

"No," I croaked. "I love you, Severide, and I love all of them too but they need to work on things. Kieran and Thomas need to sort out whatever it is that they're fighting over. Steven needs to think about something other than the present."

"And me?" he questioned.

"You need to prioritize. Is your ex-wife more important than me? If she calls, will you go running because you feel guilty?"

His eyes dropped for a few seconds. Letting out a sigh, he cupped my cheek and captured my lips.

"How long is this break going to last, cupcake?"

"For however long it takes you guys to figure out what you want." With one last kiss, I climbed off his lap and took a few steps back. "It's for the best."