Camren One Shots

Let Her Go

The first rays of light shines through the living room window while the wind takes the white curtains for a slow dance. They seem to be dancing to the lullaby that it's pulling me in like gravity. I can hear the piano keys being pressed with such hesitation, like maybe the sound of each key would scream a hurtful truth to its musician. The melody it's not complex. In fact, it was very simple and it was not rushed. Time was slowly drag through each note making it seems that their sound should last forever.

I do my best tiptoeing my way towards that sound but I stop at my tracks once I hear a broken voice singing the firsts words.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart

My heart stop as well. My breath is caught at my throat. I press my back to the wall needing support because I can almost taste the tears in all the hurt coming from a cracking voice. I shut my eyes and I have a clear image of who's behind this wall.

'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Her voice always so powerful it's now completely vulnerable. Naked.

Well I see her when I fall asleep

She changes the lyrics and she changes my heartbeat as the lyrics drags a knife to my chest.

But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause I loved her too much

She doesn't even bother trying to stay in key and sings through a cracked voice. A restrained cry begging to be released. I only realize I'm crying once the salty taste of my tears met my lips and roll down my chin.

And I dived too deep

I use all the courage and strength in my body to let go of the wall and quietly step inside the room. But who am I kidding. It wasn't courage.

If there was something I know for sure I am, it's that I'm a coward. The proof of that is the crying beautiful girl in front of me. Her back is facing me so she doesn't know I'm in the room. And strength? I have to say I'm impressed with my knees because I can't explain how they haven't give in yet.

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

By now a salty waterfall in running free from my eyes all the way to my chin. I feel them cutting my skin like razors. Punishing me like I'm not worthy to be crying. That I'm the reason she's hurt.

She's broken.

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

All I want to do is scream and sob but I don't. I don't make a sound. I don't even know if I'm breathing or not anymore. I stay quiet as I step closer to her, the carpet floor muffing my footsteps.

Only know you love her when you let her go

She doesn't bother holding back anymore. Her cracked voice is now pulverized to pieces and I wonder if her heart is the same way.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

I wonder if anyone could ever glue her pieces back together and by that thought a wave of jealousy come rushing through me. NO. They don't know her. They don't know how to read her puzzled heart. They don't know where each piece belongs. They'll never mend her right. I yelled to my self in my head.

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

The jealousy is quickly replace by guilt and sorrow once I realize that the reason why I know the pieces of her heart like the back of my hand is because I was the one to break it. I know where they fit together because I was the one to torn them apart.

Only know you love her when you let her go

She finally breaks and I can barely hear the last words through her cry. Her tears are now falling harshly on the piano that I wonder how are they not making the keys sing. She doesn't sing anymore but keeps on playing the final notes.

And I let her go

She jumps a little on her skin surprised by my singing, or may I say, whispering my own lyrics with a voice as broken as her heart. I was equally surprised and I can't explain what made me open my mouth to begin with. I could've easily turned my back and walked away. She wouldn't have known and I wouldn't have to face her right now. But she still hasn't face me yet. She seems to be frozen in her sit. Her hand still on top of the piano keys. But I think I have done enough damage by walking away so many times before and after hearing so much hurt in her voice I can't take it anymore. How could I have done this to her. To my

"Camz.." My voice is almost inaudible and I wonder if she even heard me, although I'm now standing right behind her. So I bring my hand up hesitantly touching her shoulder.

I barely graze her shoulder and she cringes getting away from my touch and standing up. Her eyes finally met mine and the redness of them isn't what caught my attention. It was the feelings I could see behind all the tears. Sorrow, disappointment, anger, frustration, tiredness but most of all... hurt.

I open my mouth to say something but what is there to say? What can I possibly say after all I have done to her. I won't dare to say sorry. Sorry doesn't even start to explain how much I hate myself for what I have done. And what, clearly, I just lost. So I close my mouth and look at the floor, defeated. When I look back at her eyes, I'm caught of guard with what I see. The back of my neck stiffens as a cold chill runs through my body.

And even all the hurt I've seen and listened to this past minutes didn't break my heart as much as what I see right now in her eyes.

Emptiness.

"Fuck you Lauren"

There's no more tears in her eyes. No hurt, no pain.

There's no sadness or anger in her voice. All she seems to be now is tired.

Exhausted. I take one more look at her eyes. They are completely hollow.

She doesn't look at me anymore while she leaves. My knees finally give in and I wonder how they lasted so long. I curl up to a ball in the carpet floor. My tears are running free but I'm not actually crying. I just lay there and stare into nothing, astonished.

My Camz. Always filled with life. With her intoxicated laugh. Her dorky cute ways. It's gone. It's empty. It's hollow.

People talk about how they lost the ones they loved when they made a mistake but I never truly understood that. I always thought about how they were referring to having lost their relationship. But now I see.

I lost my friend. I lost my best friend. I lost my baby. I lost her heart. I remember her eyes. Empty. Hollow.

I lost her.

I had truly lost Camz.